


Speak but don't pretend

by Samari1



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental parents, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Divergence - Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Clint Barton Has PTSD, Deaf Clint Barton, I played with the timeline again, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint Barton, SHIELD Agent Clint Barton, Where Was Clint Barton During Captain America 2?, excessive use of cuss words, no family on the farm in Iowa, nothing past winter soldier beginning will factor in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samari1/pseuds/Samari1
Summary: Where was Clint Barton during Insight Day? Making questionable choices that, if he plays his cards right, will make him the happiest guy on the planet. Okay, so HYDRA needs to die already, Nat needs to survive, and hey ... look another brainwashed assassin taken under his wing.Oh, and a kid.So, just a normal day in the life of Clint Barton. It's okay though, he has coffee.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 36
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist:  
> Not Falling- Mudvayne  
> Nobody praying for me- Seether  
> Battleborn- FFDP  
> Into the nothing- Breaking Benjamin  
> Greed- Godsmack (How James feels about HYDRA)  
> Break- TDG  
> Lift me up- FFDP  
> Ho Hey- The Lumineers  
> Iris- Goo Goo Dolls  
> Renegades- X Ambassadors  
> The Unforgiven- Metallica  
> Remedy- Seether

Life had been almost quiet in the two years since the Battle of New York. Clint had gone back to work at S.H.I.E.L.D. because being an Avenger wasn’t a 24/7 sort of job. It wasn’t that he minded, not really. He mostly worked with Nat, and Fury really didn’t question any of their methods so it was okay. 

He was heading to the Triskelion to report to Hill when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He had so many little tricks to keep anyone from knowing about his deafness. Not that he gave a fuck if they knew, it was the reactions that always annoyed the shit out of him. With the aids Fury had sourced somewhere (the cagey Director refused to say where), his hearing was pretty damn good. He still read lips, of course, but he had learned how to mask what he was doing. 

He stopped his vehicle just outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. property and checked the text from Nat:  _ Fury has been attacked. He may die. Watch your six.  _

He texted back quickly:  _ You too. You need me, I‘m there. _

Her reply was almost instantaneous:  _ Do your thing. Trust Hill, no one else. _

“Oh well fuck,” he muttered, diverting away from the known entrances to the Triskelion. He was Clint Fucking Barton and had found ten different ways in and only six of those Nat knew about. He was all about covering his own ass. He parked the S.H.I.E.L.D. truck on a side street and mentally cheered for his foresight in picking which bow case he’d brought along today. He grabbed what had once been a hardshell, rectangular guitar case before he’d retro-fitted it. His collapsible bow fit perfectly along with his quiver and arrows. Okay, so he also had spare knives in it too. He’d never been a damn Boy Scout, but he’d learned to be always prepared. 

He locked the truck and slid the backpack on, carrying the guitar case as he worked his way into the crowd of pedestrians. Ducking into a coffee shop he knew had no surveillance, Clint swapped out clothes in the men’s room and swapped the hardshell case for the soft backpack style one he kept for extreme circumstances. If Fury was near-death and Nat was telling him to trust no one, he would deem it extreme. His phone was stripped down so he couldn’t be tracked. A second set of clothes and the now empty backpack were tucked in the case before he made his way out the back door. 

Back out in the crowd, Clint made his way over to the nearest subway station. Despite his height, with the non-descript clothes and watch cap he was just another sucker trying to get someplace. Ducking the security cameras here wasn’t as easy, but it didn’t matter, not for this bit. He bought a ticket with one of his many alter ego’s that S.H.I.E.L.D. knew nothing about and made like he was boarding the train. He edged out of camera range and waited for the chaos that was public transportation in D.C. 

Clint ducked into one of the service doors, thanks to a nifty tool Nat had given him that unlocked just about every damn thing. From there, it was merely a matter of making his way through service tunnels until he reached the one that would lead him to the power plant and eventually into the Insight Bays. Well, not totally. He wasn’t a moron. It seemed like hours, but he’d timed it so he knew it wasn’t that long, before he climbed through a small service space and was able to look out into the bays. 

Things looked far busier than usual. Busier than they should have been, even with the helicarriers due to launch soon. That paired with Fury’s attack made him very wary. Clint made his way up, knowing that these spaces weren’t on any blueprints. (Thank you Nat!) He made his way topside, still out of sight, to see what he could see. Something was up and he really didn’t have any idea what it could be. Other than Really Fucking Bad. 

He got comfortable, well as comfortable as possible, and watched. Hours later, he climbed back down and out of the service spaces, taking a different route back out than he’d used to get in. He made his way to one of his hidey holes and checked the news. All hell was breaking loose apparently. Cap, Nat, and yes, even him, were on the list of Fugitives. What the actual fuck?! 

Clint laid out what he had at hand and assessed. The phone was useless, at least for now. He had plenty of weapons and two more alternate identities. Cash too. This wasn’t the first time he would be on his own and probably not the last either. 

His routine didn’t change, even when Nat didn't make contact again. The second day, he spotted a group that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Nat had told him tales of the Winter Soldier and had said she hoped Clint didn’t see him forced into service. She’d made it clear that she knew more about the man than she was letting on. Clint had left it at that first mention (knowing not to ask questions) and was rewarded with more information over the years. Yeah, if her physical description was accurate (and with Nat it always was), the Winter Soldier was making himself at home at the Triskelion. 

Didn’t that just make an already fucked situation worse. 

He nearly reached for his gun when he saw just who was escorting the Winter Soldier around. Fucking Rumlow and what looked to be his entire STRIKE team. Clint never liked Rumlow. Bastard thought he was more badass than he truly was. He always got pissy when Clint kicked his ass in training. Probably why Rumlow was a dick to him. Oh well, boo hoo. He snuck through the lovely passages and managed, again thanks to some tech genius gadget from Nat, to access the system and see just how fucked everything was. He was able to tap into the cameras and watch just what areas Rumlow, his minions, and the Winter Soldier frequented. It really shouldn’t have been a surprise that the Insight Bays were their top choice. 

Day three, he watched Cap fight his way out of the Triskelion. He decided that was his cue. He couldn’t move right away. Using up all his patience and quite a few hours, Clint made his way around, thankful for his foresight in lifting a STRIKE uniform and gear a while back. He knew it would come in handy. Shouldering the soft case holding his own weapons, he picked up a gun. There was no need to alert them to his presence. His plan was to help Cap if he could but, mainly to steal a quinjet. Was it stealing though? He was still an agent, despite whatever asshattery had got him listed as a fugitive. He wasn’t planning on keeping it. He’d return it. Probably. Maybe. 

Clint was crossing the deck when the Winter Soldier came around the quinjet he’d been aiming for. Damn it! From what Nat had said, the man was much like Steve. That meant he wasn’t just a shoot and kill target. Clint ducked into the closest quinjet, hoping it was still empty. It was, so he moved up to the console, using Nat’s fun little tech toy and starting up the quinjet, bypassing the usual protocols. He was almost done when he caught sight of someone else boarding. He whirled, gun pointed at … oh fuck … the Winter Solider guy. Fuck. 

“What are you doing?”

Clint blinked, momentarily distracted though his gun never wavered. “Huh. Didn’t expect Brooklyn.”

“You aren’t HYDRA.”

Clint didn’t say anything, not sure what HYDRA’s protocol was for identifying yourself. There was no fucking way he’d bring himself to do the ‘Hail, HYDRA’ bullshit, that much he was sure of. “Why are you, Brooklyn?”

Brown eyes narrowed. “Why do you keep calling me that?”

Clint chanced a glance out and damn it, there were HYDRA fucks all over the deck. “Uh, because that’s one helluva Brooklyn accent, pal.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Are we really doing this right now?” Clint said, incredulous. “You sound just like Cap. He’s as Brooklyn as it gets. I need to borrow this quinjet, so can we wrap this up?”

“Cap?”

Clint didn’t dare show how relieved he was when the quinjets console flashed letting him know it was ready to go. “Uh. Yeah. Cap as in Captain America. Also known as Captain Steve Rogers. I know Nat said they did horrible shit to you, but surely you know who it is you’ve had a hard on for days now … right?”

The Winter Soldier shook his head as if shaking off a thought or maybe was simply confused. Many people got confused by Clint, he was used to it by now. “Who’s Nat?”

“Natasha Romanoff or Romanov depending on her mood. She’s uhh my best friend.” He considered it, because damn it, now he was totally intrigued. “Her before name was Natalia  Alianovna Romanova. Why, you know her?”

The guy paled and Clint took a half step forward before he remembered why that was a bad idea. He pushed past Clint and started typing something on the console. “Don’t make me harm a friend of Natalia’s. Just go.”

“Valid and highly intelligent advice.” Clint sighed. “Too bad I don’t do well with taking advice. I’m borrowing this quinjet. Don’t make me boot you off it.”

The guy sighed again. “Of fucking course a friend of hers would be as stubborn as she is. Just don’t get yourself killed. She’d figure it out and hunt me down. I have enough problems.”

“I gotta say, you aren’t seeming like the big, bad terror everyone has been making you out to be.”

A light laugh. “I hit my head, not feeling myself. Just keep your ass alive. I’m about to have too many hunting me as it is. I don’t need Natalia on my ass too.”

Clint winced. “Yeah, that is never a good thing. So, thanks?”

“For what?” 

“Not killing me on sight, I suppose.”

Another laugh. “Like I said, hit my head. You need to leave. Do whatever, just damn it, if she really is your best friend, you’ll not get yourself killed.”

The Winter Soldier was almost to the doors, hauling Clint by his arm. Damn it, Clint couldn’t just let him leave alone. He wasn’t built that way. “Wait.”

The man didn’t turn. “Why?”

“You said you’re about to have people hunting you. Why?”

“Do you always ask a million questions?”

“Yes.”

A heavy sigh and he turned to face Clint again. “I’m about to prove that their mindfuck didn’t take the last time, that’s why.”

“At least tell me, I mean if you remember, who you really are.”

Clint worried he’d gone too far and was about to be shot. But, the man just sighed and pulled off his mask enough so Clint could verify what he was saying. “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. You?”

It took him a moment to get past the fact that James Buchanan Barnes was fucking hot. Damn it! Damn it all to hell and back. Ugh. Why?! Not fair. He wasn’t just some nameless enemy combatant now. This was how he’d ended up recruiting Nat instead of killing her. Then it hit him. Oh fucking hell. He knew that name! Nat had dragged him to the Smithsonian exhibit. Fuck, just fuck. 

“Clint Barton, S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and when aliens invade, Hawkeye.” Clint waited a beat, replacing the half mask he’d been wearing as part of the uniform. “We can both stay on here, help each other fuck with HYDRA’s plans … just giving you options.”

“I have to make it look good.” James gave Clint a nod as he put his mask back on. “If you don’t get yourself dead, tell Natalia I didn’t want to shoot her, but she gave me no choice. You need to go.”

Damn it, Clint didn’t have it in him to not try one more time. “Yeah sure, but you could tell her yourself. Because, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Probably gonna get myself dead, so yeah. You tell her.”

Clint was stubborn, but he sorta respected the guy for what he was doing. “Do you ignore everything you don’t want to listen to or am I special?”

The doors closed a moment later and Clint smiled wryly when he realised that James (because damn it, he had a name now. A real one, not some HYDRA code name) wasn’t shooting him or shoving him out of the quinjet. 

With that in mind, Clint cautiously moved to stand with James. It only took a moment to clue in that his new friend had cleared him to not just access all the systems in the quinjet, but a backdoor into S.H.I.E.L.D. too. As James took off, Clint input a code Nat had made him memorize. He wasn’t sure what it did beyond totally fucking any system. Because Clint rarely made wise decisions, he took a moment to study his new friend and mentally berated himself.  _ Just my luck, find a hot guy and he’s determined to get himself killed. Fuck my life. _

\--**--

James engaged the cloaking and hauled ass away, still very confused by Clint Barton. He didn’t need any more complications. All he needed to do was get away. He knew enough to know that the longer he was away, the more he would remember. Now would be the fun part. He didn’t know America any longer. Why oh why hadn’t he knocked Clint out and stolen the quinjet like he’d planned? Oh yeah, because he had clearly lost his fucking mind. 

His goal was to get the blond off the quinjet before he did something regrettable. He touched down in the woods outside the city. “Okay, this is where you leave.”

“Ha. Ha. No. You’re stuck with me. Sorry ‘bout your luck.”

James was very, very confused. “What the fuck?”

Clint was leaning on the pilot seat, looking far too pleased with himself for it to mean anything good for James. He pointed to the screen where the news was still announcing Agent Clint Barton a rogue S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and danger to everyone.

“You need a clean getaway, I’m now listed as a fugitive, and hey, I have a quinjet. Bonus points for all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s data being fucked up. Win for both of us?”

James’ eyes narrowed. “Do you always make questionable decisions, or is today just special?”

Clint laughed. “Always. At least, according to Nat. So, wanna get the fuck outta here before we’re both caught and tossed in some high security prison that even I’ll have trouble escaping?”

“How do I know this isn’t a trick?”

“Nat.”

All things considered, it was a valid reason. A very valid reason. But, still … “How so?”

Clint rolled his (damn it why had he noticed!?) gorgeous blue eyes. “I let you go off alone, she finds out and makes my life miserable. Which, she will because she knows every fucking thing. Plus, you made me promise to tell her about the shooting thing, so she’ll kick my ass for letting you do the stupid thing you just did and then again for letting you leave now. Hmf. And I thought we were friends now.”

James looked down and sighed. Clint was offering the chance to actually have help to get away and, despite questionable choices, he had been briefed on the man and knew he was formidable. He couldn't ask for better backup. This backup, he was fairly certain, wouldn’t shoot him in the back either. “Are we?”

“Sure, why not? I like lethal, fellow assassin friends. Makes life interesting.”

James decided why the fuck not and settled in. “I’m thinking we need to get you a dictionary.”

Clint smiled wryly. “Because I don’t know what interesting means?”

James tilted his hand back and forth in a ‘so so’ sort of motion. “Not quite sure your definition is the usual one, is all.”

Clint was laughing. “Fair enough. Where to?”

“Not here.” James shrugged. “There wouldn't be clothes onboard that would fit me, would there?”

“Probably not perfectly, but I did spot some tac pants on one of the shelves. You could check those until we are away enough that I can duck into a shop for you. I might have a hoodie in my bag that will work too.”

“Are you always this nice?”

“Yeah, no. I’m a bastard before coffee. Or when I don’t get enough sleep.” Clint tapped his chin as he lifted them off again. “Or when I have to deal with too many people. Huh. I’m mostly a bastard, I guess.”

James stood and made his way back to the shelves, laughing. “If you were, Natalia would have shot you long ago.”

Clint laughed. “Who says she hasn’t tried? But seriously, where to?”

“Seriously,” he replied dryly. “Not here. I know Eastern Europe, not the Eastern Seaboard.”

“Awww, Jamie, you’re a smart ass.”

James turned, tac pants in hand. “No one calls me that. I don’t remember shit right now, but that much I do know.”

“They do now!”

He didn’t bother arguing, focusing on the not his usual style pants, though they were similar damn it. The pants looked almost the right size, so he stripped off his gear and laid it aside, within reach if needed, but damn it felt good not to be wearing that crap. The tac pants were only slightly big in the waist. He could deal with that. He made his way back up, boots in hand, and nearly grinned at the sight of Clint blushing. Ha! So he wasn’t the only one who noticed how hot their ‘new friend’ was. Good. Or bad. Probably very bad. “Uhh, I should warn you. They have trigger words, or whatever you want to call them. So, if they find me and start saying random words, fucking run would you?”

“Pfft. You are the one that needs a dictionary now. That’s not how this friend thing works. At all.”

James groaned. “You weren’t lying about the questionable decisions thing, were you?”

“Yeah, no. But, pot calling the kettle black there, eh?”

He ignored that and focused on something pertinent. “So, where are we headed?”

“I was thinking Eastern Europe,” Clint replied cheerily, then he scowled. “With a stopover to get you clothes.”

James smirked. Ha! Served the blond right for being a distraction to him earlier. “How will we do that with no money or identification?”

Clint pouted. “Awww, no, don’t go hurting my feelings. Nat alerted me when Fury was shot, I’ve got a go bag with almost everything we’ll need.”

James was questioning his own decision making abilities, but he could admit that (if he used Clint’s definition of the word) things were certainly going to be interesting. 

\--**--


	2. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie meets an unexpected friend of Clint's. The man has some good advice.

After landing the quinjet in an old warehouse he knew was safe because he and Nat had made damn sure to secure it, Clint had handed over a hoodie and dug out some gloves for Jamie so he could come along. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the guy, okay so maybe it was sorta that. Mainly, though, there was no way anyone was looking for them together. Even Nat would be surprised and not much surprised her. Clint ducked into a bus station and grabbed his go bag from the locker he and Nat had set up for just this sort of thing. He left his stripped cell, turned off, but with a note that would greet her should she be able to make it to this location:  _ Made a new friend. Decided travelling was nice. Should have taken you up on those lessons, damn it. Watch your six. _ It would give her enough to go on and reassure her he was safe. 

Their next stop was to a church. No, he was in no way church-y, it was that he had donated to this particular one over the years and chased off assholes who harassed the priest and the folks that ran the charitable shop, shelter, and soup kitchen in one of the worst parts of NYC. They slipped in the side doors, which were never locked despite Clint warning the priest it was a bad idea in this part of town to no avail. 

“I wondered if I would see you.”

Clint grinned at the priest’s dry tone, cautiously laying a hand on Jamie’s arm. It was a split second decision, he liked calling James Jamie, but didn’t like the idea of anyone else doing it. He was an idiot. “Saw the news did you? Brought a friend this time. James, this is Dev. Dev, meet James.”

Father Devlin Ryan snorted inelegantly. “Of course I did. You both are welcome here, Clint. You know this.”

“James needs clothes and I would kill-”

“Don't you dare finish that sentence here!”

Clint laughed. “If I didn’t, how would you get to pray for me, Dev?” Laughing, Dev shooed them through the church and into the rectory. Jamie looked wary. Clint patted him on the arm. “He’s sworn to secrecy, Jamie. Basically. After the battle of New York, I was scouting safe houses in the city and came across some thugs harassing his people who were feeding folks in need. So, I kicked their asses and sent them packing. Stayed with them and escorted them back. Dev and I had a …” he grinned at the smiling priest. “What did you call it?”

“Bit of a chat? A come to Jesus talk? A desperate attempt to make you a church goer?”

Jamie snickered. Clint snorted. 

“Yeah, no on the last. Even your patron whatever of lost causes would do a hard pass on me, Dev.”

“Saint, it's a patron saint,” Jamie supplied with a sigh. 

Dev smiled. “Catholic?”

“My Mother was. You could say I was lapsed if anything, with no intention of going back.”

“My doors are always open.” Dev led them to the kitchen. “Sit, sit. The ladies brought a casserole by today and I am happy to share. Then we can see about some clothing fit for whatever it is you two are up to.”

Clint put on his best innocent face. “I didn’t do a thing, honestly. Not this time. Jamie did the right thing, just to clarify. Just trying to fly under the radar until we can figure out what went so wrong.”

“I could tell you most of it,” Jamie interjected. He turned to Dev. “Thank you, Father, for your hospitality. It is much appreciated.”

“Dev is fine.”

Clint desperately wanted to ask how many times Jamie had broken HYDRA control and if he had ever asked for refuge in a church. He would ask. Later. Not now, not when the man finally seemed to relax even slightly. Dev was good at that, the whole relaxing a person just by being himself. Maybe it was the Irish accent? Whatever it was, Dev had it in spades. 

“Might I suggest laying low for a few days? I have guest grooms, well priests rooms, but none are occupied right now. Take time. Shower, regroup … rest.”

Clint would have said no, if not for the fact that Jamie’s reaction was to relax, again slightly, but hell yes. The man had been mindfucked for years and years. Longer than Clint had even been alive. If staying with Dev helped, he’d do it. Ugh. So long as he didn’t have to attend church type stuff. “Sounds great. We may have to bug out if anyone comes sniffing around.”

Dev sighed. “I understand. But, please, eat and I will go find some clothes for both of you. Yes yes,” he added, before Clint could say anything. “You will insist on making a donation, though it is not necessary. The help you’ve given us over the last couple of years has been more than enough.”

Clint blushed. He didn’t do it for recognition. He did it because Dev and his people did so many good things. Not just feeding and providing basic supplies to the homeless, but taking in domestic violence victims, and even (despite the Church’s stance) LGBT kids kicked out by their shitty families. All of that and Dev didn’t hardcore preach to the people he helped, just saying how it was his calling in life to help those he had the ability to help. Dev Ryan was a good man, one Clint was proud to call a friend. 

Dev sat the casserole dish, plates, silverware, and a pitcher of iced tea on the table. “Please, enjoy. I’ll return shortly.”

Clint handed Jamie a plate, still blushing. “He makes a bigger deal out of it than it is.”

Jamie lifted one eyebrow. “So underestimating yourself is a thing too?”

“Eat,” Clint grumbled. “I know my skills and I’m damn good at my job.”

He ignored the, “hmmmm,” and filled his plate, getting up a few minutes later to start the coffee. Dev wouldn’t mind and it wasn’t as if he was clueless about Clint’s reliance on coffee or anything. 

They were almost done eating when Jamie broke the easy silence. “I was serious about the triggers. I don’t want anyone harmed because of that.”

Clint pushed his plate away and picked up the coffee mug. “I’m guessing you only remember bits and pieces so far, right?”

“Yeah, it's frustrating. I know my name, that Steve was my best friend growing up … I know Natalia and that I helped train her. I know my mom was a Catholic, but not fervently. Couldn’t tell you my birthday or what I did last time they unfroze me. Not yet. I will, if the past is anything to go by. If I’m out of their control long enough, I can list every horrid thing they ordered me to do. Not that I know how I know. I know there are trigger words, ahhh, code words. Those bring me back under their control. You probably should shoot me now and get it over with.”

Clint glared. “Fuck right off with that nonsense. If it is words that fuck with you, we get you earplugs and I teach you sign language. If you can’t hear the words, they can’t control you, right?”

Jamie looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. At least for a few minutes. Then he just looked confused. “How do you know sign language and why?”

Clint sighed, taking out one of his aids and holding it up before putting it back in. “I can read lips and pass as abled fairly well these days. These have some sort of everlasting battery and are fairly indestructible, but ASL saved my ass growing up.”

“You made it high up in the ranks of S.H.I.E.L.D. and made the cut to be an Avenger, all the while working twice as hard as the rest?”

No one but Nat and Fury had ever put it quite that way. In fact, most just discounted him the moment they found out he wasn’t the abled person they thought he was. He had pushed himself, all his fucking life, to be better than everyone around him. To prove he was more than his disability. So, he shrugged. “I’m good with a bow and arrow.”

“He never misses. With any weapon,” Dev said from the doorway, arms piled with clothes and toiletries. “Don’t let him fool you. The man could take on Olympic athletes and come out on top. Not to mention, the tension on his bow is so high that no one but him can even draw it.” 

Clint glared. 

Dev grinned. “He tends to hide his light under a bushel. Don’t let him get away with it, eh?”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “I can try. Not exactly the best to give that job to.”

Dev set the pile of things on the table. “Well then, just be a good friend, James.”

Clint’s heart broke a little when Jamie just looked sad. “Not sure I can do that either, but like I said, I can try.”

“Do or do not, there is no try.”

Clint laughed. “Priest and geek all rolled in one. Go on, get some clothes and a shower. I’ll help Dev clean this up and get our rooms sorted.”

“You’ll not go anywhere?”

Clint nearly winced, but managed to hold back the urge. Yeah, he got it. He’d been there, worried about being left alone. Damn. “I won’t leave the building. Go on, take your time. You’re safe here.”

Dev grinned. “The thugs and gangs are too afraid of him and his friend Natasha to even walk down this block. Bathroom is down the hall, second door on the left. I already put towels in there for you both.”

With clear reluctance, Jamie took what Dev handed him and stood. He got as far as the door before stopping. “I wasn’t kidding, if you need to … well aim for my head and keep shooting until your clip is empty.”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said that’s not how friends work.”

Clint watched him go, barely resisting the urge to get his weapons and hunt down the HYDRA fucks that had done this to a guy, by all accounts, who had been a genuinely good person. Not that anyone deserved what he’d been through, it just made it worse somehow knowing that there was a funny, sarcastic guy under all the years of conditioning. 

“He’s the one that was on the news,” Dev said with a heavy sigh. “Wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, not by choice, Dev. Not by choice.”

“You bring me the most interesting people.”

Clint was able to laugh at that. “Gotta keep you on your toes.”

—**—

James wasn’t sure what to think of anything that had happened today. He wasn’t even certain why he’d let Clint go initially or even why he’d climbed aboard the quinjet. Maybe it was that every instinct he had told him Clint was safe, even before the blond had mentioned Natalia. 

He stood under water almost too hot, enjoying a real and private shower for the first time in too damn long. How fucked was that shit?! Even a hot shower with no one watching him (and holding a gun on him) was a novelty. James rested his head on the wall of the shower and nearly cried. Little whispers of memories were coming back and most of them he didn’t welcome. He hated this part, the flow of memories. The list of people he’d killed without thought or even remorse. 

He was so fucked up, thanks to HYDRA. Why Clint bothered to help him was a question for the ages. He only hoped it didn’t bite the blond or his priest friend in their asses. He was like a grenade with the pin pulled. It would probably be wise to shower and head out alone. Trying to convince himself to do that lasted until he was out of the shower and dried off. 

He nearly snickered because, by accident or design, not one piece of clothing had even one hint of black anywhere. James wondered if Father Dev had been watching the news. He wouldn’t ask though. That would be rude and the only thing in his control right now, for the most part, was how he treated those around him. So, he’d be careful to not be rude or ungrateful. 

The small plastic bag held a brush, comb, and hair ties. James sighed, wishing for scissors to chop all his hair off, but settled for pulling it back in a messy bun style that would keep it out of his face. Maybe he could work up to asking for scissors. A clipper thing would even work. Surely, they had something like that around here somewhere. If not, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d used a knife to chop his hair. 

He hung up the towel and stepped out into the hallway, listening for voices. He could hear Clint and Father Dev talking down to the right, so that way he went, his other clothes bundled up in his arm. His free hand held his gun, despite swearing he could hear his mother’s voice berating him for carrying a weapon in her God’s house. He couldn’t remember what the woman had looked like, let alone her voice, so it was just his messed up brain playing tricks. The gun was like a security blanket. He did tuck it in the hoodie pocket though, remembering his goal to not be rude. 

“Shower is yours,” he said, aiming for cheerfulness. 

Clint grinned and, damn it all, he was a fucking idiot for the momentary distraction that grin caused. They were friends! He was too fucked up to even consider anything else, so James did what seemed to work for most things and shoved any and all thoughts of Clint’s attractiveness down and locked away. “Thanks. This room is yours if it's okay? We thought you might appreciate no big ass windows that present security issues.” 

“It’s great. I would have taken a blanket and a pew.”

Father Dev just sighed. “I would never treat any guest that way.”

James blushed. “I - Uh - not what I meant.”

Clint eyed them both before grabbing the stack of clothes and toiletries and exiting, shooting James a reassuring look. 

“I apologize for my rudeness.”

Father Dev sighed heavily. “You aren’t rude, James. If you need anything, please ask. I’ll leave you to settle in now. Okay?”

James nodded, watching warily as the priest left, leaving the door half open behind himself. He sighed, setting what was in his arms on the simple dresser, sinking down in the bed a moment later. He was free. For now at least. Safe. As much as he could be. James wasn’t so certain about those around him though. He should probably try to sleep, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not when Clint was in the shower and vulnerable. The blond had insisted that they were friends now and friends watched one another’s backs, right? 

He watched the hallway, and listened closely for any noises that would be out of place. He heard the water shut off and the door creak. He nearly laughed, Clint moved almost silently and was at his door before James even moved. 

“Doing okay?”

James did that ‘so so’ motion with his hand. “Still wondering why the fuck you saddled yourself with me. I still say shooting me is your best option.”

Clint sighed, plopping down right there in the doorway, the pile of belongings dropped in his lap. “I still say that’s not how this works. I saw enough to know that HYDRA has infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. and has some sort of plans for the new helicarriers. You want to fuck with them and I want to fuck up their plans.”

“You’re making good points but ignoring the major one … I’m no better than a live grenade with the pin pulled. We just don’t know when I’ll explode.”

The blond looked stubbornly determined. “I’ll have Dev get some earplugs for you tomorrow. Or I can ask now? He keeps them in stock for the homeless vets with PTSD.”

“I -” James sighed, at a loss for words. Damn the man was stubborn. 

“I am going to sleep in a real bed with no one threatening me, Clint. Tomorrow you can teach me to sign,” Clint said dryly. “That’s what you were going to say, right?”

“Not really. The earplugs can wait. Not sure I’ll be able to sleep.”

Clint sighed. “I can take watch.”

“You need sleep.” 

“So do you.”

“I was a human ice cube for who knows how long. I’m good for a while yet.”

The blond laughed and somehow got to his feet looking like a contortionist while doing it. “Okay, fair point. You should still try though. I’m directly across the hall if you need me.”

James really needed to get the man a dictionary. Clint claimed he wasn’t nice, but thus far he had been exceptionally nice. There wasn’t any ulterior motives (other than escaping an ass kicking by Natalia) that he could see either. He wasn’t going to sleep, but the blond could. Giving Clint a good night of sleep was the least James could do. “Go sleep. I’ll keep watch. Take your aids out if you trust me to not stab you in your sleep.”

Shooting him a look of mischief over his shoulder, Clint crossed the hallway. “Don't try to shake me awake or it’ll be me stabbing you.”

James chuckled. “Noted. Go. Sleep. It’s been a helluva few days.”

He waited until he could hear Clint snoring to get back up and check the building. He was finished checking the security system, all doors and windows on the ground floor, and half through the second, when Father Dev found him.

“Clint and Natasha set up the security here. It’s safe, but I understand your need to check it all again. I’m heading over to the shelter, so please don’t worry when the alarm shuts off long enough for me to get outside.”

James wondered many things about Father Dev, but didn’t voice any of them. He was far too paranoid to be just a priest, even one two Avengers had befriended. There was a story there, but not one James suspected he would ever learn. “Thank you for the warning. Is all okay, isn’t it late to be visiting a shelter?”

Father Dev smiled. “Yes and no, we got a young girl to finally come in off the streets, but she is wary and refuses to speak.”

James frowned. “She can though?”

Father Dev shrugged. “She hasn’t yet and we know she’s been on the streets at least four years now. Anyway, nothing for you two to worry about. Just wanted to give you notice on me leaving.”

He nodded, thinking of his new friend. Okay his stubbornness and ease with people. “Maybe have Clint try tomorrow?”

Father Dev grinned. “I was thinking the same thing. He’s a good man.”

“I’ll do my best not to harm him, Father.”

The priest turned to go, almost whispering, “I have faith in you, James. Take time to find some in yourself.”

James watched from the stairs, making sure the priest left and the alarm re-engaged before resuming his inspection of the building. He didn’t have faith in much. Hadn’t for far too long. All he could do was try his best to not let either Clint or Father Dev down. They were the only people he could remember that had had any true faith in him beyond being their puppet and a killing machine.

  
  


—**—


	3. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn just who the young girl is. Sort of. There are serious conversations. Clint wishes Nat was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are ASL. I only know rudimentary sign language and as such, felt it better to treat it as a spoken conversation instead of butchering the rules of ASL and risk offending anyone. I do hope by doing it this way, I didn't offend!

Clint blinked, not certain he’d heard what he thought he had. He was on his sixth cup of coffee and his aids were working, but still. “You want me, hot mess Clint Barton, to talk to some traumatized little girl? Why?”

Jamie rolled his eyes and Dev gave him that disapproving look. 

“Just try it, please?” Dev asked, his tone pleading. “It has taken us four years to even get her to show up at the shelter. I can’t risk calling in social services and making her run again. She’s a scared street kid, Clint.”

Clint winced. Dev hit all his weak points with that. He could try. “Not sure I won’t make it worse, but okay.”

Dev nearly ran from the room.

“Did you know about this?”

“Suggested it,” Jamie said wryly. “Your best friend is one of the deadliest in the world, yet she’s not shot you yet. Plus, somehow you talked me into going along with this mad plan. Face it, you’re good with people.”

“Am not.”

“Pouting, really? Does that work for you?”

“Usually.”

Jamie was still snickering when Dev came back, a tiny waif of a girl peeking out warily from behind Dev. Good gods, she looked maybe ten. Dark blondish hair and big green eyes. Clint nearly said so many bad words when he recalled that Dev said she’d been on the streets at least four years. He hated people sometimes. So, he got to his feet slowly and made his way around the table, a genial smile on his face. Making sure she could see what he was doing, he crouched down to her level. “Hi. I’m Clint.”

She blinked. Tipped her head and signed:  _ Hi _

Clint got it now. And he was fucking livid. But, just to check, and making sure he didn’t lose the smile and risk the poor kid thinking he was mad at her, he signed using just the basic alphabet.  _ Father Dev is nice. So is James. _

She tucked her tongue between her teeth and slowly, as if she barely remembered how, signed back:  _ Grown ups lie. _

_ I will not lie to you. They will not either.  _

_ Promise? _

Clint sighed. “You two need to promise to tell her the truth. Speak slow and enunciate so she can read your lips.”

Dev turned slowly, crouching down. “I will not lie. What is your name?”

James smiled, but remained sitting at the table. “No lies from me.”

It was quite a few silent, tense minutes before she finally nodded.  _ No name.  _

“She says she doesn’t have a name,” Clint said, struggling to not lose all his shit. He signed:  _ Do you know how old you are? _

_ Twelve. Maybe? Am I safe? _

_ You are very safe. Want to pick a name? _

She shrugged and blushed. 

“Our lovely lady is twelve or so. She can’t remember having a name.”

Jamie looked livid, fists clenched on the table. “I’d like to find whomever is responsible for this shit and hurt them.”

“I would be by your side,” Clint assured him.

“I’d be holding your coats.”

Clint grinned, though it was mostly for show. He knew, thank you good Irish Whiskey, that Dev had been basically a child soldier in Ireland. The church had been his escape. So, it wasn’t just offering to watch their backs that he was doing. Again, he signed and now spoke at the same time translating the conversation for Jamie and Dev. 

_ We can find a book of names. _

“Tasha.”

Clint nearly fell over at Jamie’s soft, yet utterly determined suggestion. “After Nat?”

“Can’t think of a better, stronger woman, can you?”

“Good point.”

_ Who is Nat? _

_ My best friend. She is very strong and kicks boys butts daily. Mine included. _

The laugh was low and rough, but as genuine as the smile.  _ Can I meet her too? _

_ Soon. She is  _ \- he paused not knowing how to explain and settled on -  _ working. _

Jamie got up slowly, joining Clint. “Do you remember the battle here in New York? Aliens?”

She nodded, her eyes wide. Then she looked at Clint, studying him for a second before making a ‘drawing a bow’ sort of motion.  _ You? _

_ Yes. The redhead? That was Nat. _

_ I am Tasha now.  _

Dev chuckled and Clint just grinned. Jamie looked pleased with her choice. 

_ Good choice, Tasha. You hungry? _

She darted around Dev and nearly bowled Clint over, hugging him tightly for such a tiny person. He waited her out, but she was making no move to let go. He slowly got to his feet, one arm holding onto her in case she let go. “Uh what do I do?”

Dev looked more than a bit amused. “Show her what food is here and let her pick?”

An hour later and she was still attached, though Tasha had agreed to sitting in her own chair and only holding on to him with one hand while she ate. Clint took it as she knew he could understand her and wasn’t about to risk losing that. It wasn’t viable, especially with the shitstorm currently going on. But, he would happily allow her to stick close today. Until they could find an actual workable solution. 

After food, he, Jamie, and Tasha settled in the living room and Clint started with the basic alphabet signs. It took longer, but until Jamie could practice and Tasha got fluent again, it was the best option. Jamie picked it up quickly (chalking it up to all the languages he’d learned over the years and his almost eidetic memory) so they stopped talking altogether. 

_ Tasha, you cannot tell anyone about us. Okay? _

_ I saw the news.  _

Jamie looked panicked.  _ Yet, you trust me? _

Tasha nodded fervently.  _ Clint is good. He helped save the city. The whole planet. He trusts you. I trust you. Not a baby, you know. _

_ The news is lying. Bad things are happening. We may need to go and hide. Will you stay with Dev? _

Green eyes narrowed and Clint wondered for a moment if she had seen footage of Nat and practiced her expressions in a mirror.  _ No! Not a baby. I trust you two! _

_ Do you trust Dev too? _

Tasha nodded, reluctantly.  _ He doesn’t sign much. He isn’t an Avenger.  _

_ He can protect you. We are in danger. We do not want you in danger too. _

_ So, show me how to protect myself.  _

Jamie grinned wickedly.  _ Yes, of course. But, not yet.  _

_ Why not?  _ She pouted, eyeing them both.

Awww, no. Clint couldn’t hold out against the pout. Shit.  _ Too much danger. Very bad people. Nazis.  _

_ You, James, and Auntie Nat can kill them all.  _

Clint and Jamie both laughed long and hard at that. She wasn’t wrong, but her glare had made it more a decree. Plus, he wasn't sure if Nat would lose her shit at being Auntie Nat or take it on 150% and make Tasha truly into a mini me. Either way, it would be fun.

Jamie finally stopped laughing.  _ Well yes. But you need to be here, with Dev, so we can.  _

_ What if they try to take me away? _

_ Who? _

_ Social workers.  _

Clint held his arms open, offering a hug. He knew the horror of social workers. So much. He’d been a street kid. But not alone like she was, at least not at her age. Tasha hugged him back, shaking lightly. He shared a livid look with James over her head. Yeah, she couldn’t go with them. It wasn’t feasible. But, it was fucking crystal clear that they weren’t leaving until they found a safe solution for this tiny girl. She had the heart and willpower of a fucking warrior. Nat was going to adore her. They just had to survive this shit to make that meeting happen.

—**--

James wasn’t sure of much right now. What he was certain of was that he could trust Clint and that Tasha needed to be protected and cared for. She was so fucking determined that he and Clint were the only ones that could protect her. It was beyond usual teenage insistence that she was correct, he was also certain of that. His instincts were screaming that there was more to the tiny, fierce girl than any of them had seen as of yet. Not a danger to himself, Clint, or even Dev … just that there was something there. 

Clint was obviously protective of the girl now too. The fierce nature of Clint Barton’s determination to do right by those he took under his protection was an amazing thing. James knew he was fucking lucky to have gained Clint’s trust. The blond kept insisting that they were friends, and something told James that it wasn’t an offer given lightly. No. Everything he had read, seen, and heard about Clint Barton told him that he was one of the very few to have somehow earned such a rare gift. 

No matter what, James was just as determined to prove that Clint had made a good decision in trusting him. Not that he’d be putting it that way to the blond. He knew well enough by now that it would just get Clint’s back up and lead to an argument. That was the last thing he wanted right now.

Tasha had been set up in the bedroom next to Clint, and only after numerous promises that they wouldn’t be leaving in the middle of the night, she had finally gone to bed. Dev had made excuses and left him and Clint alone in the sitting room not long after. The earplugs were sitting next to his coffee cup, but neither of them had made a move yet to break the surprisingly easy silence. 

James looked out the window, still taking in the sight of a new New York City. So much had changed, just from what he’d been able to see on their flight in and the minimal time they'd had outside the church property. 

“Wanna head up to the roof?”

James smiled. Clint’s love of high places was made clear in his SHIELD file. He was surprised it had taken this long for the other man to make his way up to the roof. “Is it safe? Dev said the thugs and gangs know you and Natalia protect this place.”

Frowning, Clint was quiet for a while. Finally, he sighed. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Damn it. This isn’t the only place we donate too or have run off thugs from. That was all Nat; she said it would be wise to make this place part of a big group rather than an anomaly. Murdock has sort of taken over the patrolling lately. Not sure the thugs stay away because of us or him.”

“Murdock?”

“Vigilante. One of many running amok around NYC. He’s a lawyer by day. Nice guy. Nat and I talked him into handling the legal stuff for the shelters that the Church hierarchy might balk at.”

James weighed the new information against his knowledge of HYDRA tactics. “They will probably list this place as low priority. We don’t know for certain that they are looking for you. Not after that virus you let loose. If they run true to form, they’ll be focusing on getting the helicarriers back on track.”

Clint sat back, bare feet propped up on the coffee table. “Does that factor in that they lost their biggest threat when you walked?”

That was a million dollar question. “That I can’t say. Rumlow and his minions are quite a threat too. Don’t underestimate them.”

“I trained with them and actually ran that team at one point. I know they’re a threat. Any idea how long they’ve been HYDRA?”

James had hoped Clint wouldn’t ask. He tried to think of how to word it to cause less damage, but quickly realized that it would be insulting. Clint wasn’t some wet behind the ears kid that couldn't handle the truth. Fuck. “Rumlow and a couple others were HYDRA first. Sitwell too. Pierce … I can make a list if you want me to. I don’t know all of them, but they did talk freely in front of me.”

Clint turned, fully facing him. “Did they do that before? I mean, talking so freely?”

It took him a moment and James cussed for a good five minutes. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? Damn it all to fucking hell and back. Clint, and now Tasha, needed him at his best. Fuck. 

Clint winced, but waited him out. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to ask any other way.”

James ran a hand over his face and accepted what he’d been ignoring before. “No, I was ignoring it. Hell, maybe that’s what made me act when I had the chance. I could have stayed a bit longer, pretended to be their little weapon and blown them all to hell myself. Fuck. Probably should have.”

Cautiously and making sure his intentions were clear, Clint laid his hand on James’ arm. “Hey. None of that, okay? Some part of you realized that they planned on you dying one way or another.”

“This was HYDRA’s endgame. They didn’t need me or my kind once they’d taken over completely.”

Now Clint just looked angry. “Stop that! Right now. I mean it, Jamie, Damn it all. They took too many years from you as it is. They don’t get to decide when you live or die anymore. You, James Buchanan Barnes, broke their fucked up conditioning and didn’t want any part in their insanity. You  _ never _ did! They had no fucking right to do what they did to you. Be honest here, if you remember that is. I already know the answer anyway. Did you volunteer to go and fight the Nazis and their ilk?”

“Yes.” 

“You, _ Jamie _ , risked everything. Fuck it, you lost your fucking arm fighting them! I don’t know, I can’t know what all these years were like for you. I do know what it is to be controlled though. It fucking sucks and you feel dirty and horrible, waking up and seeing what they made you do against the very people you chose to fight beside.”

“Clint?”

“No,” he muttered, jumping to his feet and heading for the door. “Not discussing it. This isn’t about me. I’m grabbing my bow and going to the roof. No one will see me, I promise. I’m not that much of a fuck up.”

James sat there for a long time wondering what the fuck had been done to make Clint Barton, one half of Nick Fury’s right hand at SHIELD, think he was a fuck up. Mind control, clearly, but nothing like that was in the files he’d been given. Damn. He wouldn't be asking either. Clearly, and understandably, it was a topic not up for discussion. One day, he promised himself, he would find out and if those responsible were still alive … well, James would be taking care of that very thing. It was probably a sign of his dismal mental health, but fuck it. Pieces were falling into place and he was beginning to understand that Clint’s habit of self depreciation wasn’t just some spy act to be underestimated. The man truly believed it and that wasn’t something that had just happened one day. His memory may be swiss cheese, but his cognitive function was just fine. Fuck. Just fuck. 

James wasn’t sure if checking on Clint or leaving him alone was best. After about half an hour of arguing with himself, James got up and headed to the roof. Right or wrong, he couldn't leave Clint thinking the worst about himself any longer. He just wasn’t built that way. 

\--**--

Sticking to the shadows, Clint scanned the area. He didn’t see anything out of place, or anyone. But, damn it, he should have thought about doing this before. He was an idiot. There was now a smart, streetwise kid in the building. One that needed him to step up his game and be flawless. James needed him to be at his best too. 

He slid down against the wall wanting Nat here more than anything. She’d know what to do. She’d also get him out of his head. It wasn’t a great place to be on the best of days and the last week hadn’t been the best of any fucking thing. 

Jamie joined him a bit later, not saying a word, just sitting with him. It wasn’t long before he felt himself settling in a way that usually only time or Nat helping could accomplish. He flatly refused to think of why that was. 

He knew that they should go inside and discuss plans for how to keep Tasha safe, but it was too damn peaceful sitting here like this. 


	4. accidentally acquiring a child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasha proves to be more stubborn than Clint and James combined. Clint is also stunned speechless.

Tasha had been talked into going down to the church to help Dev after breakfast. It had been three days and Clint knew that they couldn’t put off the discussion any longer. He and Jamie had been keeping a better eye on the neighborhood, but they couldn’t risk staying here much longer. It was too big of a risk to every damn person on the block if HYDRA decided to raid the place. 

“She wants us to adopt her.” It was obvious, but also the only place he could think to start.

Jamie looked up from the dishes he was drying and putting away. “I still say I’m a huge risk.”

Clint shrugged. “So am I. Nat too. But, she wasn’t joking, Jamie. Believe me, she meant it when she said it was the three of us or she went back on the streets.”

Jamie side eyed him. “You seem to know a lot about street kids and how they think. Social workers too.”

“Oh, I have plenty of experience with both. Fucking social workers. I’m sure some have the best interests of the kids in mind. Fuck. Job has to suck. Dealing with shitty parents day in and out. But, that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that Tasha has decided we are the only grown ups that can be trusted with this.”

“I don’t want her back on the streets.” Jamie set down the last plate, resting his hip on the counter, frowning. “If we can talk her into staying here, wouldn’t that fancy Tower you Avengers live in be a good place for her to finish growing up?”

Clint’s jaw dropped. “I barely take care of myself properly! Not sure I should be trusted with a kid.”

Jamie snickered. “Would Natalia allow us to fuck up too badly?”

Clint wasn’t about to give up any of her secrets. It was a big thing to decide without her being here to agree, but with Nat kids came fucking first. Full stop. He wanted to give her that chance, the one they didn’t talk about except once a year. Clint realized that he’d already decided. Bad idea or not, he’d do his best for Tasha and for Nat. “No. So, we’re doing this then?”

“I still say I should be left out of the legal stuff.”

Clint smirked. “Nope! We’re in this together, Jamie. Tasha was real fucking clear on that part. Like you said, Nat won’t let us fuck up too badly.”

“She won’t be happy about having to stay here.”

“That just means we both have to convince her why it’s necessary. It won’t be forever.”

Jamie shot him a look that Clint took as ‘oh you silly man’ but he chose to ignore it. There was no way, no matter how good Tasha was at the pouts, that she’d get one over on both of them on this subject. It wasn’t viable to drag a kid along whilst they took down HYDRA. 

“You should call the lawyer. We’ll have to go soon.”

Clint just nodded. He knew they were doing what was right, what would keep Tasha safe. He just wished that it had happened at a better time. It really didn’t sit right with him to give her stability and then yank it away again.

\--*--

“I’ll make myself scarce.”

“No need,” Clint said wryly. “Remember, I know his secret identity. Mutually assured destruction, Jamie. We’re good.”

James sighed, sitting back down with great reluctance. They had talked with Dev and Tasha quite a bit over the last couple of days. She had grudgingly agreed to stay with Dev, but only if they found a way to make her officially his, Natalia’s, and Clint’s ward. He also didn’t think tying her to him was wise, but the tiny girl was not budging on that, at all. She was deathly afraid of the social workers and James didn’t want to know where that had come from. Clint looked no happier, even saying the words ‘social worker’ made him angry though he’d refused to push the blond on the subject. Luckily, Clint had connected Dev and Matt Murdock, who was now the parish’s official lawyer in regards to the shelters and all that went along with that.

Dev was trying, really, he was. He led Tasha back into the room, the two of them had been busy picking clothes out for her down at the shelter. James nearly laughed because she was wearing a purple shirt and carrying a purple zip up hoodie. 

Carefully, Dev signed:  _ I will protect you until they come back. _

_ You are a priest!  _

Dev sighed.  _ Was a soldier at your age. Bad stuff. Good now. Can still fight. _

Tasha looked to Clint. Clint nodded.  _ He was. Dev also learned stuff from me and Nat. _

_ Leave guns with him? _

James nearly laughed. She was definitely street wise and smart.  _ Not sure that is needed. _

_ I say it is!  _

Clint smiled, though it was more wicked than anything.  _ You can’t shoot the social workers. Or cops. _

_ Ruin all the fun.  _ Tasha crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.  _ Bow and arrows? _

_ I will teach you. After we kill the Nazis. Okay? _

_ Promise. _

_ If we live through it, I will teach you. _

_I’ll teach you to throw knives and shoot_ _if I can_ , James offered, smiling slightly. _For bad guys only._

Dev threw his hands up and didn’t even attempt to sign. “I will bring the lawyer in.”

Tasha looked wary. 

Clint rolled his eyes.  _ He kicks bad guys butts too.  _

_ Which one is he? _

_ He’s blind. Wears red. _

_ Ohhhh! He is fun to watch! _

James didn’t bother complaining. Why was it no surprise that she liked watching vigilantes at work? Hell. It was probably safer for her to stick close to them. Still didn’t make it okay. 

_ He doesn’t say all the bad words or carry a sword. You sure you’ve seen the right one? _

_ Ha! Wade is funny. I like him.  _

Clint was stunned silent at that. 

_ Who is Wade?  _ James had to know. Anyone that managed to silence Clint merely by mentioning their name was definitely interesting. Someone he probably should meet when it was safe. Just to congratulate them for the feat.

_ Deadpool. He kept telling me to come here. That it was safe. He signs too! Said his buddy was deaf and he learned so he could be a good friend. He found me that day, said things were very bad. To come here. It was safe. Showed me the news. So I came here. _

Clint finally snapped out of it.  _ You seek out vigilantes? That isn’t safe, Tasha! _

She huffed and rolled her eyes.  _ You are the friend Wade mentioned, right? _

_ Yes, but still.  _

_ Nope. He checked on me. Brought me food and clothes. Kept the bad ones away. _

James just watched Clint sputter, nearly laughing. 

_ Yes, but he is  _ \- Clint clearly struggled to explain and came up empty. __

This Wade guy had clearly taken a liking to Tasha and prodded her here. He wasn’t going to be the one to tell Dev who was responsible. Though, his reaction would probably be funny.

James nudged him lightly.

Clint winced.  _ Wade is different.  _

_ Wade is nice. _

_ I need to meet this guy. _

Clint paled.  _ He would flirt with you or decide you were his best friend and you should kill things together. Knowing Wade, it would be both. _

_ Okay. And? _

Tasha laughed that rough laugh of hers, eyes wide and full of happiness.  _ I am going to call him Uncle Wade the next time I see him.  _

Clint sighed.  _ Knowing him, he’d buy a billboard to announce it. It would say: See some people like me! Only idiots don’t. Signed, Uncle Wade _

All three of them were grinning when James heard the door open and low voices.  _ I think the lawyer is here. _

Tasha was up and all but hiding behind the couch he and Clint were sitting on seconds later. James wished he could reassure her, but he was wary too. He had two guns and five knives tucked away in his clothes. Vigilance was not paranoia when HYDRA was probably searching the streets for both of them right now. 

They needed to settle this legal stuff and move on. James found himself not liking that idea. He may only remember bits and pieces, but he really couldn’t remember feeling like he truly belonged anywhere. Clint Barton, in his own way, had managed to make James feel like he belonged in about a week. Okay if he was honest, that had happened within the first twenty four hours. Toss in a street-smart, smart ass street kid who didn’t deserve what life had thrown at her and James was fucking sunk.

\--**--

“I got what you wanted. I can make it so it’s lost in the system, but legally will hold. But, you need to find a way out of town. S.H.I.E.L.D. is all over the streets in Manhattan and Brooklyn, asking about you.”

Clint had hoped for another day or two. He should have known better. Avengers Tower was here. Stark was here. Of course they would check. Damn it. At least they were currently in another borough. “It makes Tasha ours, yes?”

Murdock sighed heavily, mimicking what Clint had said to him earlier. “Yes, Barton, it makes her Tasha Rebecca Barton-Barnes. Tasha is your kid, basically. If something happens to you, James Buchanan Barnes is her other adult. You both get dead and Natasha Romanov becomes her adult. Annnd, because life sucks, if you all get dead, Father Devlin Ryan is Tasha’s adult. You all don’t make things easy. It is sealed so whoever is behind the smear campaign can’t get into it.” He smiled. “Congrats, kiddo, your birthday is today. I made you thirteen.”

Tasha grinned.  _ Thank you! Be careful of the bad guys. _

Murdock looked confused when Clint translated. Clint laughed. “She has watched you fight. Wade too. It’s her hobby.”

Murdock chuckled. “My work here is done. Don’t get dead, Barton. You’re one of the few that can talk sense into Wade.”

“Uh no. I can’t. You give me far too much credit.”

Jamie snickered. “I’m guessing this is where the knowledge of flirting and best friends thing comes into play?”

Clint blushed. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Okay, I am heading home.”

“Murdock, might be the time to mend fences with Frank so you have someone watching your six. They aren’t S.H.I.E.L.D., they’re HYDRA.”

Murdock paled. “You’re joking.”

“Not this time, Matt. Not this time.”

“I want to say so many words. Can’t with Miss Tasha in the room though.”

“Thanks again. Call Frank. Have backup.”

Matt waved his hand and made his way out of the room. When Jamie nodded that the front door had closed, Clint sighed heavily.  _ We need to go tonight, Tasha. I am sorry. _

_ No! I want to go too. I’m yours and you are mine.  _

Clint rubbed a hand over his face and sighed.  _ Was this your plan, Tasha? We can’t take you with us.  _

Jamie didn’t look like he was doing much better.  _ These people are bad. Torture bad. _

She glared, mutinous.  _ Safer with you.  _

_ No _ \- Clint wanted to scream. Damn it all. He wasn’t built in a way that he could just leave people easily. Not once they mattered. Tasha wormed her way under Clint’s skin almost as quickly as the woman she was named after. James was the same. They were his now. His people to protect. Fuck.  _ I might have a way. Still think it is a bad idea. You have to promise to come back and stay with Dev though. You can’t go fighting with us, Tasha. _

She smiled smugly.  _ I’m not an Avenger. Yet.  _

_ Jamie?  _

_ I’ve trusted you this far. What do you have in mind? _

_ Nat and I set up a place. It’s remote. She filled it with tech. We would be safe. No one but us even knows it exists. _

_ Why did you not mention it before?  _ James looked confused, not upset, so that was good.

_ In a quinjet, it is about two and half or three hours out from D.C. It is remote. As in, trees and not much else. We’d have to risk Duluth, Green Bay, or Chicago for supplies. _

Dev, who had turned his back so he could honestly say he didn’t see or hear anything, cleared his throat. “I can get supplies for you. You can’t leave until it is dark anyway.”

Jamie signed it out for Tasha and she nodded.  _ Clothes. Bow and arrows, my size. Food! _

_ School books. _ Clint added, only kind of teasing. She needed the basics. He wasn’t great shakes at school stuff. Hell, he hadn’t finished school. But, it seemed like the right thing to do. 

  
She crinkled up her nose, but Jamie nodded.  _ School stuff too or no weapons lessons.  _

“So?” Dev still had his back turned. “Is someone making me a list?”

Clint knew this was a bad idea. But, damn it. “We’ll need clothes. I don’t want to take any more from your supply. I promised someone archery lessons. Oh, and can you get your hands on basic school books?”

“All but the bow and arrows can be found in the warehouse you and Natasha setup. Because of your ludicrous donations and hers, there is plenty. Take all you need.”

Clint had wondered what all the boxes and supplies on the shelves had been when they hid the quinjet there. Huh, now he knew. Okay, that helped. “Hair dye. Brown please.”

“Clippers. The hair kind.”

“Again, all but the weaponry is in the warehouse.”

“Okay. Let’s get packed. Can you hide us in the van you use to hand out stuff to the homeless to get us to the warehouse? We can pack what we need from there, while you get Miss Tasha’s bow and arrows.”

Dev snickered. “I’m a damn priest. I can’t see them bothering me. I get the feeling more than just the vigilante I know about is watching the place now too.”

Tasha hopped up.  _ I have a backpack. My stuff fits inside. Should I go pack now? _

_ Yes. _

She grinned, racing off. 

“Still not sure it is a great idea,” Clint admitted.

James shrugged.  _ If you and Natalia set the place up, it will be solid.  _

_ You remembering more? _

_ I trained her. Paranoia is paramount to anything else. But yeah, sort of.  _

“I can be ready in an hour. I’ll swing down to the shelters and check the supplies. They keep a running list. That will give me a reason to go to the warehouse if anyone dares stop me on the way. They wouldn't be that bold, would they?”

Jamie nodded and Clint winced. Yeah. They would be. Damn it. But, they had to get out clean. This was the best way. He only hoped that it worked.

\--**--


	5. Won't be broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They travel to the safe location. Calls are made.

_ You should dump me somewhere.  _

_ Not how this works.  _ Clint glared as he flew over Ohio. Autopilot would work well enough for now, until they were closer. Tasha had fallen asleep on the seats, curled up under a soft blanket and clutching her new bow. It wasn’t purple, which she had been annoyed about, but she had thanked Dev, making Clint promise to get her a purple one after she was really good. He agreed, because he was a sucker for that pout. 

After they packed a shitton of stuff into the quinjet, Clint had left a coded note with Dev - just in case Nat could make it to Dev. His other note was wrong now, but there was nothing he could do about it. He had looked over the large amount of stuff and sighed. Better to have too much than not enough had been his general mindset.  _ You have your earplugs. We sign. It works for now. _

_ It won’t work forever.  _

_ No. We will figure this shit out. I don’t give up on my people, Jamie.  _

_ If I have to, I will go. You can keep her safe. Maybe even from me.  _

Clint nearly punched Jamie. Damn it.  _ Stop! I see you, the real Jamie under their mindfuckery. So stop. I won’t have you do this to yourself. You are learning who you are. I see you, damn it.  _

_ I don’t even know who the real me is. How can you? _

Clint growled, literally.  _ You are a good person. I can see it. Tasha can see it. Dev can see it. Why can’t you? _

James looked stunned, turning back and checking the console. Clint gave him time. It had been about a week give or take. He wasn’t expecting instant results. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be saying it often. Hell, he wasn’t exactly a good example of a well adjusted adult or even an example of someone with good self esteem. That didn’t mean he wasn’t a damn good cheerleader for others. 

It was an easy silence. Comforting almost. He was scanning what was left of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s data, thanks to that lovely virus deal he’d uploaded and nearly cussed aloud. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. He tapped Jamie’s knee and waited for him to look up. He pointed to the data. Jamie’s expression darkened and it was close to the one Clint had seen when Jamie was in full Winter Soldier mode. He was really fucking grateful it wasn’t aimed at him. 

It was a list. A target list to be utilized when they launched the helicarriers. There were hundreds of thousands of names. 

_ Any way to contact anyone trustworthy? _

_ Maybe? Nat said trust only Hill. I have a number for her. Emergency only.  _

_ Try it. We’re moving, so even if they track us, we won’t be here long. I’ll put the earplugs in, just in case. _

Clint got up and retrieved one of his burner phones. He was thankful that memorization came easy to him. Unlike most school crap. He dialed the number, facing Jamie so the man could at least attempt to follow along. “Yes?”

He almost sighed with relief. He’d know that voice anywhere. Now, for the codes to make sure she wasn’t being monitored or coerced. “Did you see the game last night?”

He waited a beat, holding his breath. Her reply was dry. “I hate sportsball.”

“You don’t mind the tight pants.”

“Neither do you.”

He fell back against the seat. Good. She was free and clear. “Not disagreeing. So, shit got real.”

“Was that you or Romanoff?”

“The virus or the execution?”

“That answers that. Well done.” She snorted. “Where are you?”

“Safe. Made a new friend. We’re hunkering down.”

“I need more than that.”

“My new friend got tired of his current employment. Did a runner. Happened to want the same thing I did. We compromised.”

His brows shot up at the impressive string of cuss words. He whistled softly. “You’ve been taking lessons from Fury, haven’t you?”

“Speaking of. Hold on.”

Clint shot Jamie a ‘fuck if I know’ look. It was a good four minutes before anyone came back on the line. The next voice would have had him standing up and cheering, if not for the sleeping kiddo. “You slippery fucker.”

“I could say the same.”

Fury was rolling his eyes, Clint just knew he was. “I hear you made a lethal new friend.”

“Indeed,” Clint said cheerily. “I like him, gonna keep him too, so no getting ideas. We’ll disappear for reals then.”

Jamie grinned. Clint grinned back. He meant that more than was wise. Jamie didn’t need to know that. Nope. Not now. Maybe not ever. The man didn’t need Clint lusting after him when he was still figuring out who he was. 

“Romanoff would kill me and I just got over being mostly dead. Not a fan.”

Clint snickered. “My new friend is an old friend of someone we both know.”

“So, Cap was right?”

“I didn’t hear what he said, but yeah probably. Still doesn’t change the current state of things. This is my serious voice. Not giving him up. Long term, things need to happen. But, right now, do you know what they are planning?”

“Yes. Your other lethal friend is around, doing her thing.”

Clint would have sent a coded message, but no. Dev wouldn’t betray him. Fury might, if it was the only option. It was too risky. He trusted Fury, sure. More so than most people. He wasn’t a moron though. “Tell her we need to kill some Nazis soon. I like when she has my six.”

“Will do. How much notice will you need?”

Clint pondered it for a minute. Then he gave an answer that would in no way give any clue about their location. One that would give them time to drop Tasha off with Dev. She now had a burner phone of her own, with only Dev’s number programmed into it. “Five or six hours. Give or take.”

“Call back in four days.”

“I’ll be needing a well check.”

“I’ll do my best to have her here.”

“See that you do.”

Clint hung up and dismantled the phone. He gave Jamie the all clear.  _ You get all that? _

_ Natalia is with Fury and Hill? They know about the hit list. They know who I am. Will they tell Steve? _

_ So he says. I don’t like not knowing for sure. No, they won’t tell him. They know better.  _

_ Okay. Also, if she isn’t, we will find her.  _ Jamie had that determined, no retreat, no surrender look back on his face.  _ You have not let me down once. I will not let you down in this. Not unless they get me back. Even then, it would take serious recalibration after this long away. I’m more me and less Him now. I think. _

_ You are Jamie. They won’t take that from you again. Not if I can help it.  _

Clint was rewarded with the most heartbreakingly gorgeous smile. Damn it all. For that smile, he would probably set fire to the world. He had it so bad. Now wasn’t the time. He had to stop that shit. Now. It wasn’t just Jamie relying on him now. No, now there was a child who had already been through far too much. Tasha needed him to be focused. He couldn't let either of them down.

_ I am beginning to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to. _

Clint rolled his eyes.  _ I try.  _

_ What was it your priest friend said? Do or do not, there is no try. _

_ When this shit is over, I am showing you Star Wars. It’s even better when you picture Fury as Yoda. _

_ I don’t know what that means. _

Clint grinned.  _ You will. Oh, Blade Runner too. Hrm. We will make a list. _

James didn’t look as certain as Clint was about it. That was fine. For now. He turned back, scrolling through the - well - not S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore, HYDRA data. Maybe something would help them figure out how to stop their plans. 

The console flashed and Clint smiled, taking back over the controls. He set them down in the field and motioned for Jamie to stay.  _ I’ll check. Protect Tasha. If they somehow made it here, take the quinjet and get her to safety. Dev will help you even without me. _

_ That is not how this works, Clint!  _

He grabbed his bow and quiver, silently making his way off the quinjet. It really wasn’t nice of Jamie to toss his words back at him like that. He found the hidden door and checked the security after the eye and fingerprint scans. No one had been here for three months and that had been him, checking to make sure all was well. Good. He slipped inside and made for the main control panel. The bay door opened and he was back outside, climbing aboard the cloaked quinjet. Yay for not walking into it, tripping into it, or any other number of embarrassing things. At least not this time. He got the jet inside, hopping back off to close the bay doors and reset the security. 

_ Not much, but secure. _

Jamie looked around, a sleepy Tasha at his side. That grin was back.  _ How did you do this? _

_ Nat. A lot of secret trips. Time. Lots of time.  _

_ Is it a cave? _

Clint smiled at the sleepy ... well shit, teenager? She probably wouldn’t appreciate him calling her a kid.  _ It was a silver mine at one time. Fresh water, generator, full kitchen, internet that Nat somehow bounced off a satellite we don’t talk about. Bathroom. Beds. Real ones. Nat doesn’t play where comfortable sleeping is concerned. _

_ S.H.I.E.L.D.? _

He shook his head.  _ She assured me not that. It is secure. Rough, sorry.  _

_ I love it!  _ Tasha threw herself at Clint and hugged him tightly. He chuckled, lifting her off her feet. She didn’t weigh much more than he’d guess an average eight year old. He carried her through, knowing already that she’d not be letting go anytime soon. 

_ Where did the idea come from?  _ Jamie was looking around, his eyes wide. 

Clint waited and when he had Jamie’s attention again, he mouthed ‘Derinkuyu and Kaymakli’.

Jamie looked puzzled. Clint felt shitty for not thinking about it, setting Tasha down on the counter he’d built in the kitchen area.  _ Underground ancient cities in Turkey. She had or found this and since I’m too smart to say no to her, we set about getting it fixed up. Took a few years. IKEA is amazing, that is all I’m saying. I built some of the stuff too. _

Jamie snickered.  _ Store?  _

_ Yeah, everything has to be assembled. That part is shit, but the easy to transport everything was good. Come on, let me show you the rest. _

Tasha hopped down and stuck close to Clint’s side, though she glanced back every few steps to make sure Jamie was still with them. He smiled. She was a tough cookie. Clint stopped, pointing to what looked like nothing more than a crack in the wall.  _ Leads to bay. If something bad happens, go this way. No joking here, Tasha. Go up. Get out. Text Dev. We start tomorrow on survival training.  _

_ Yes, yes.  _

Jamie just shook his head.  _ Not leaving you behind, so don’t ask for my agreement. _

Clint wasn’t about to argue that point again. Not right now. The next opening on the left was a good size bedroom. It had been set up for Nat, but she wouldn’t mind Tasha using it.  _ Tasha? You want? _

Her eyes widened comically. Then she ran and jumped on the bed, bouncing and grinning. Clint laughed, leaning on the wall. Yeah, he needed to keep focused and help take down HYDRA. He had something to look forward to now. Something more than movie nights with Nat. One step at a time, he reminded himself. First: Make sure Nat was okay. Second: Train Tasha to survive long enough for Dev (Or Nat) to get to her if necessary. Third: Take down HYDRA. Fourth: Figure out how the fuck to deprogram Jamie’s brain so he could live free. Fifth: Clear their names so every cop agency in the world wasn’t gunning for them. 

Jamie waved a hand in front of his face. Shit.  _ Clint? _

_ Lost in thought. Sorry. _

_ All okay? _

_ Just making a to-do list. She looks happy. _

_ She’s about asleep again. _

With that in mind, Clint got Tasha’s attention.  _ Bathroom is the next break in the wall on this side. It bends so no one can see you. Need me to show you how it works? Not like a city one. _

She nodded.  _ Shower too? _

_ Better than.  _

She raced off, nearly missing the entrance. She backtracked and he heard what sounded like a delighted squeal. Jamie followed him down the somewhat narrow mine shaft. It opened up and there was a small waterfall with a shallow pool. It made for really nice baths if you wanted, or showers. Clearly, Tasha had found the controls since the waterfall was flowing. He made quick work of showing both of them how the compostable toilet worked and then led them back out.  _ Next on the right is a room for you, Jamie. Explore if you want, you can’t get lost. Lots of empty spaces, sorry about that. _

He nearly laughed when both of them raced off, smiling broadly. He made his way back to the bay and started offloading everything they had brought with them. He started hauling stuff down, dropping off food and weapons in the larger area that was sorta the main living area and kitchen. Clothes and such, he dropped in each bedroom. Then he took a break, tossing his bags up and climbing to his ‘little perch’. Nat had laughingly named it that after Clint had decided it was perfect for him, like a sniper's perch and bedroom all wrapped up in one. It was at the very end of the corridor/mine shaft and from the edge, he could see into the main living area. 

From what Nat had been able to find, the people running this particular mine had been after quick returns. So, they didn’t follow normal mining patterns. Thus, small corridor-like shafts that ended in large caverns where they had found larger deposits of silver. This one was even high enough that it would take a great deal of effort to hit his head. 

“Clint?”

He wasn't sure how long he’d been laying there on his bed, enjoying the knowledge that they were safe. But, he rolled off and onto his feet, walking over to the edge. Nat had playfully teased him that they needed a railing, because he was notoriously clumsy when not focused. In his defense, he’d only fallen off once. It had been enough. Nat would never let him forget it either. He grinned down at Jamie and Tasha, both of whom were still smiling.  _ Done exploring? _

_ It’s so cool! _

_ I found the control room. What sort of generators run this place? _

Clint actually used the small sort of staircase to get down and shrugged.  _ ARC reactor technology. She may have … borrowed … it from Stark. Just a little one. He probably didn’t even miss it. It’s similar to what is in the quinjet. I didn’t ask many questions. Better that way. _

Jamie just made the face. It was the same face Fury or Hill made when Clint and Nat did something not particularly wise (or in a couple of cases legal. Okay a lot of cases the legality was questionable.) 

_ Why don’t we get the food put away and maybe sleep? _

_ Remind me to never, ever ask for details on what you and Natalia have done over the years? _

Clint just laughed.  _ Probably wise. Might give you grey hair. _

_ I really, really want to be like Auntie Nat when I grow up. _

Clint figured if they could manage that, without all the trauma Nat had gone through, then excellent. He would be very, very careful. She had been through enough. He and Jamie (and maybe someday Nat) were just giving her really good survival skills. He shooed them down to the main room, feeling almost content. He wouldn’t totally feel that way until he was certain Nat was okay. 

Jamie hip bumped him. Clint looked over questioningly.  _ You okay? _

_ Just worried about Nat. _

_ Clint. _ Jamie looked grumpy.  _ She is fine. It will take a lot more than HYDRA rearing its head to take her down. You know this.  _

Clint blushed. Damn it, he knew that. He also knew Nat would kick his ass for worrying so much about her. She was a big girl. One who had been taking care of herself for far longer than most knew. Damn it. Focus!  _ I know, I just worry.  _

_ Can I hug you? _

Clint was surprised, but managed to nod. Hell yes. He found himself wrapped in a tight hug and allowed himself to relax. Yeah, this was nice. Better than nice. Damn it, Jamie was hot and a great hugger. Clint was in so much trouble. Right now, wrapped in Jamie’s arms and feeling safe, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything but enjoy it. 

If he imagined Jamie still hugging him later, after they had convinced Tasha to sleep and he was trying to sleep as well, then Clint wasn’t going to reprimand himself for that either. It helped him fall asleep. He wasn’t going to think about the implications of that either. Or what it would feel like to really have Jamie in his bed, holding him while they slept. 

\--**--


	6. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three of them get comfortable in their hideaway. Also, Tasha stumbles across information about Jamie's past and Clint gets to talk to.

It had been four days. James wasn’t sure if he’d ever slept so well as he had here. His head hurt far less now than it did before wherever this place was (he had told Clint not to tell him, just in case) and he was going with it being good amounts of sleep. Not that there hadn’t been nightmares. There had been. But, getting up and checking the security seemed to do the trick to allow him to sleep the rest of the night peacefully. Okay, so he may have checked on Clint and Tasha as well. Not that he would admit it. He would feel silly admitting it. 

The near silence was peaceful too. All three of them were almost silent when walking, something Tasha had explained had kept her one step ahead of the ‘bad people’. James wasn’t sure his stability was good enough yet to actually ask what she meant by that. He might borrow the quinjet and go back to NYC and hunt the bastards down. Though, from what she said her newly named ‘Uncle’ Wade had taken out quite a few of them. His mental to do list definitely had ‘meet Deadpool’ and ‘thank the man’ on it. 

He was keeping Tasha occupied today while Clint contacted Hill. He stationed them in the corridor that was the only way in and out of the control room. If Hill didn’t have Natalia there, he would probably need to stop Clint from rushing out. Not that he wouldn’t help. He’d promised. But, he had already figured out that Clint sorta lost his shit when he wasn’t certain his ‘people’ were safe. 

_ James! _

He winced; feeling bad for not paying attention, handing over a throwing knife. Of course, it would have been safer to do this outside, but when Clint made a safe house (Safe mine? Safe cave?) there was a large stash of targets and they weren’t sure yet how safe it was to be outside. So, he was teaching Tasha the proper way to throw knives here. It hadn’t been much of a surprise that Clint was an expert at them either, though the blond had tried to brush it off as ‘circus kid shit’. James had wanted to call bullshit, but Clint had been so damn happy that he couldn’t bring himself to ruin the mood.  _ Sorry. _

_ No sorries,  _ she replied, after tossing the knife and grumbling when she barely hit the target.  _ Worried about Clint? _

He blushed.  _ Sort of. More worried what he will do if he doesn’t get to talk to your Auntie Nat. _

Tasha’s eyes narrowed and she had her hands on her hips. He wasn’t a fool, he held his hands up in a surrendering sort of motion. Teenage girls were like pipe bombs or land mines; they were to be treated with respect and a great deal of caution lest they explode in your face. She finally replied.  _ They will let him talk to her or we go get her. _

_ There is no we, young lady. Not yet. You have to hit the target more often. Practice.  _

_ I would be better if you two didn’t make me study. _

_ Not a good argument, Tasha. You need to study. Remember what Clint said? _

She scowled but dutifully repeated what Clint had said numerous times over the last four days.  _ You need to know more than your opponents. Most will think you are dumb because you can’t hear. Take advantage and be smarter. It is so much more satisfying to see their shocked faces when you outsmart them. I don’t just mean book smart. I can’t spell for shit. I mean street smart, which you have in spades. So we need to work on the book stuff.  _

_ Exactly. Now, collect the knives and try again. Then we can discuss how to survive in the wilderness.  _

Tasha smirked.  _ Stay away from bears. _

He laughed, hard. She wasn’t wrong. Not what he meant, but damn it if she wasn’t hilarious. He glanced over at the control room and sighed. It wouldn't be the type of call he could listen in on, even if he wanted to. Patience was the key.  _ Yes, but also no.  _

_ He will be fine. We will make sure of it. _

_ You’re a smart kid, Tasha. Thank you for reminding me of that.  _

_ Gotta keep you on your toes. _

James laughed again, stepping over to help her with the way she was holding the knife. He would not look into the control room again. He wouldn’t worry needlessly about Clint. Nope, wasn’t working, no matter how many times he repeated it. Damn it. Tasha was giggling at him and he couldn’t find it in him to mind. So, he winked and stuck his tongue out at her. She grinned and hugged him. Yeah, he was a lucky bastard these days. He just had to find a way to keep it from all going to shit. But, now wasn’t the time for that. Now was for helping Tasha. He focused back on the matter at hand. He could do this. Right?

\--**--

“Well check.”

“Hello to you too.”

“Not kidding, Hill.”

She sighed heavily. “Fine. Here.”

“Clint?”

“How are you?” He didn’t even front about being calm and collected. Nope. His only concern was and would always be Nat's well being. If she didn’t use the right code words, he would use the program she set up in the control center to find out where the fuck she was by tracing the call and go get her. 

“Five by five.”

He almost fell over. “Glad to hear it.”

“I hear you made a new friend out of an old friend of mine.”

“Did. Keeping him.”

She laughed. “I’ll help you do that if needed. But, I need you watching my six.”

“I will. Always. You know that.”

It went quiet for a minute or three and Clint couldn’t help but wonder what she wasn't saying. Finally, he heard a soft sigh. “Made it to NYC. Tony’s stuck in his tower, hiding out from HYDRA.”

He chose his words carefully. “He should have tried getting out of the city. Can’t see him doing that though, he’d probably swoon being surrounded by nothing but nature. He likes being high profile.”

“Country boy like you wouldn’t have a problem, eh?”

“Not a single one.”

“Guessing you don’t need those lessons after all.”

Clint grinned, she’d been to see Dev. Good. “Nah. Thought I might, didn’t. Who knows, you might need my lessons instead.”

“Not yet. Maybe soon. All depends on when they plan to launch.”

He got it. He did. Damn it all. Fine. He knew she would stay. But, now he had confirmation she knew where he was. She would come if she needed to. He couldn’t be selfish. Fury and Hill needed Nat. Needed all her skills. “Pity I have to call Hill to talk to you.”

She laughed. “One week. That is a full seven days. Call at 1640. We clear? Don’t make me kick your ass for not checking in.”

  
107-1640. Yeah he got her. He also knew to call Hill at the uncoded time to cover their asses too. Was not his first rodeo. By far. “Yes, mom. Anything else, mom?”

He could feel her glare through the phone. “Don’t get yourself dead.”

“You’d find a way to zombify me just so you could yell at me for dying and then kill me again yourself.”

“And don’t you forget it.” 

The call ended and Clint laughed. He spun the chair and typed in the numbers. He was richly rewarded with three different phone numbers and even an (and no he didn’t want to know  _ how  _ she did it) email address. He knew this place was off the radar (again he didn’t want to know how) so calling through the control room console or even emailing would be secure. He looked again. Damn, he loved Nat. There was even an email address for him listed - complete with password. He sent off an email immediately. He would wait - he paused and checked the time difference between here and Budapest. Seven hours. She was never wrong - until he called the first number on the list. Clint set a timer. The system would flash all the lights just once - purple - throughout the mine and give him a five minute warning so he could make the call on time. 

It took most of his willpower to get up and walk away. Nat wouldn’t try to contact him before their scheduled call. It wouldn’t do any good to dwell on it. He needed to focus on Tasha. He and Nat could talk more freely in a bit. It had to be enough for now. He smiled as he stepped into the corridor. Tasha was looking pleased with herself. Both she and Jamie gave him expectant looks. 

_ Nat is okay. New way to contact her. Lights will flash when I need to head back and call her. Safely call her. Crap. Jamie, do you remember if they used lights or anything to mess with your head? _

Jamie ran a hand over his face and looked deep in thought. Tasha, bless her, set the knife down and hugged him tightly. Clint wished he could do the same. Jamie looked like he needed a hug. Lots of hugs. It was a really long time before Jamie made that ‘so so’ motion with his hand.  _ Maybe? Still a jumbled mess. Sorry. _

_ You have nothing to be sorry for!  _ Clint scowled, marching over and making it clear he was about to hug the man. Giving him a chance to step back. He didn’t and Clint pulled him in, just like Jamie had done for him. Damn, it felt more than nice to hold Jamie and be held by him. Jamie seemed as reluctant as Clint to let go, but they did.  _ The system alerts me via the lights. Purple flash. Wanted to warn you is all. _

Jamie blushed bright red. 

Tasha scowled, giving both of them quick hugs.  _ Sorry shouldn't be allowed unless it is really bad. _

Clint laughed lightly. She had a really good point.  _ Okay. Two hours of schoolwork.  _

_ More knives first. _

_ No.  _

Jamie had his not playing face on. Tasha had tested it their first full day here and had lost all knife lessons as a result. Clint was grateful that one of them had some sort of willpower against her because it sure as hell wasn’t him. It had been so damn cute. No sooner than Tasha had turned away, Jamie had looked so guilty for telling her no. So, in retrospect, it was likely that Jamie couldn’t hold out against her for long either. Something was better than nothing though.

_ Fine.  _ Tasha sighed and slowly made her way to the main room where they had set up a desk of sorts for her. So far, she would complain initially, but actually settle in and do the work without any more complaints.

When she was settled in and paying attention to the schoolbooks, Clint and Jamie set about making something for lunch. Sooner or later, Clint would have to go for perishable groceries. The goal was getting Tasha eating regularly. She was too small for her age and clearly malnourished. Clint side eyed Jamie, making a mental note to make sure he wasn’t just eating stuff he didn’t like either. From what he had let slip, HYDRA went more for protein shakes and MRE’s (most of which were disgusting). 

_ All okay? _

Clint smiled and nodded.  _ Thinking about going for groceries soon. Should be safe enough. We can go out in the woods at night too. Start teaching Tasha a few tricks, yeah? _

_ You certain it is safe? _

_ Will double check with Nat, but should be. No one knows about this place. Not even sure when she acquired it or how. _

Jamie chuckled.  _ Probably best not to know.  _

_ How did you sleep? _

Clint was patient. It wasn’t something that had come naturally to him, but something he had cultivated over the years. At least, most of the time he managed it. Nat had taught him that patience paid off far more often than not. 

Thanking Nat’s wisdom in stocking the kitchen (and in most things), Clint tossed things in the crock pot for dinner and set it to cook all day. He sucked at cooking most things, but he could manage this sort of meal. Jamie was cutting stuff up for sandwiches. Huh, look at them being all responsible adults. Go team! They were cleaning up after themselves when Jamie finally replied. 

_ Better here. You? _

_ Better here.  _ Clint winked.  _ Seriously though, I am a good listener if you need one. _

That heartbreakingly sad smile was back.  _ Still worried I am a danger to you two. Working on that before you get upset at me for it. _

_ We will figure out how to remove or stop the triggers.  _ Clint was trying to be reassuring. Wasn’t his best skill though. He smiled, moving to help Jamie put the last of the supplies back in the fridge. 

Jamie sighed.  _ I know. You think you’re a hot mess, but I think I win that prize.  _

_ Tie? _

Jamie chuckled.  _ What time are you calling Natalia? _

_ Twenty minutes or so,  _ he replied after checking the clock on the coffee pot.  _ She promised to help keep you away from HYDRA … S.H.I.E.L.D. too, if they get frisky.  _

Clint hugged him when Jamie simply looked stunned and disbelieving. They stood there for a long time. Clint wasn’t going to lie to himself. He was holding Jamie almost as desperately as Jamie was holding him. It felt too damn good to hold and be held for him to let go before Jamie tapped out. He probably was wrong doing it, but damn it. Jamie’s hold loosened and they both took a step back, blushing. 

Rather than discussing it, Clint grabbed plates and sorted lunch for all three of them. It was dumb and he knew it. It was just a damn hug. No matter if it had felt like the potential to be so much more. Now wasn’t the time, he reminded himself for what had to be the millionth time. 

Tasha joined them, clutching the schoolbook to her chest and tears running down her face. 

_ What is wrong?  _ Clint was already moving to hug her. She held up a hand up to stop him and his heart stopped for a second. Tasha set the book, open, on the counter.  _ You said the bad guys are Nazis, yes? _

She pointed to Jamie.  _ The bad guys hurt you, right?  _

Jamie nodded, looking wary.  _ I am not-  _ he stopped at her glare.

_ I know that!  _ She was still crying freely, shoving the book across to them.  _ The Nazis stole you and hurt you in the 40’s? That is why you hurt when you walk? Why Dad and Auntie Nat need to keep them away from you? _

After the momentary shock of being referred to as ‘Dad’, Clint cussed silently, looking down at the book to see a unit on the Howling Commandos with highlights on Jamie and Cap. They really should have checked. This wasn’t the way she should have found out these particular truths. It should have been Jamie’s choice. He looked up to see Jamie (and yeah he’d noticed the hitch to his steps too) round the counter and crouch to Tasha’s level. 

_ I was trying to figure out how to tell you. It is really hard to talk about. They did very bad things. Made me dangerous. I should probably not be around you two. _

Tasha scoffed.  _ You were a Howling Commando. You kicked serious ass, Papa. They just hurt you. They should die. You can’t go away!  _ She threw herself at Jamie, who barely caught her and wobbled a bit to keep them from falling over. Jamie looked like he wanted to cry too, damn it all.

Clint knew they should discourage that line of thought. Problem was, she wasn’t wrong. At all. HYDRA needed to be taken down once and for all. He left the book where it was and sat down next to them, happy when he was included in the hug. They stayed there, Tasha crying herself out somewhere along the line, until the lights flashed purple. He was reluctant to move, but also knew that talking to Nat was really important too. 

_ I need to call Nat.  _

_ Go. Tell her to kill all the Nazis so Papa doesn’t have to go anywhere.  _

Clint got to his feet, smiling slightly.  _ Yes, ma’am.  _ He focused on Jamie.  _ You okay? _

_ Shaky, but I am handling it. Go call Natalia. HYDRA fears you both. It’s why you had no clue they had infiltrated. Both of you are loyal and lethal. They knew better than to try to recruit you.  _

Ha! That cheered him up quite a bit. He’d been kicking himself wondering how he and Nat hadn’t noticed anything off.  _ Thanks for that. _

_ No problem. Go call before you’re late and she loses all her shit. _ _   
  
_

Conceding Jamie’s point, Clint hurried to the control room and made the call, using a burner cell that had been stocked there and Nat had left a note about with the email addresses and phone numbers. Nat’s voice settled him after Tasha’s upset. “So tell me why you picked up your old habit? Why this time?”

Clint knew he was blushing. Yeah, no. Not admitting it. Not yet. Though, she probably knew already with her scary skills and all. “I made a different choice. The right choice.”

She sighed heavily. “How attached are you?”

Damn it, he could feel her stare even over the damn phone. He knew he was approximately the same color as a tomato, muttering, “More than I probably should be. They stripped him of everything, Nat! Jamie didn’t know his own fucking name until he slammed his head into something during the fight in the streets. He recognised you, by the way. Seeing you helped further break their control. They tortured him after that. With some sort of corrective electrocution chair monstrosity. It didn’t take. He’s a good man.”

“I know he is, Clint. Believe me, I know. You have the worst timing.”

That hurt. “Damn it, Nat. I didn’t mean to do anything but borrow a quinjet so I could get away clean. Jamie had the same idea. We decided two heads are better than one.”

She snickered. 

He blushed even redder. “Not what I meant, Nat! Oh and congratulations you’re an Auntie.”

“WHAT!”

He laughed so hard his ribs hurt. “Long story, but I guess Dev didn’t totally fill you in?”   
  


“I thought he was fucking with me.” She went silent. He waited her out. Another of her sighs, though he could tell this one wasn’t a bad one. “So, our goals are?”

“Kill Nazis. De-program Jamie’s brain. Clear our damn names. Train Tasha up so she can become an Avenger like her Dad and Auntie Nat.”

“Tasha?” her voice was soft, almost wondrous. “Really?”

“Jamie suggested it, though he still calls you Natalia. Dev didn’t tell you her name?”

“No, but I’m not someone she should look up to.”

His eyes narrowed and his tone was uncompromising. “Fuck that. If she grows up to be half as badass as you are, I will consider it a job well done. Oh,” he paused, snickering, “She befriended Wade when she was on the streets and has decided he is Uncle Wade now.”

“Oh fuck.” She laughed. “We got this, Clint. You know that. We’re an unbeatable team.”

“HYDRA fears us.”

“Sure they do.”

“Jamie said that was why we didn’t get recruited or catch wind of them infiltrating. We’re too loyal and lethal, according to him.”

“He’d know. Can you keep this phone on you?”

“Yeah, but we’re silent here. It may take me a minute to answer. I haven’t been bothering with the aids most of the time.” He knew her well so he added, “Trigger words, Jamie calls them. Embedded in his brain. Until we figure out how to get them out, he is more comfortable signing.”

“Never change, Clint. Please.”

He was puzzled, but thought he might get what she meant. “My adopting people thing?”

“Your having faith in people that everyone else has written off thing,” she corrected. “No matter how questionable your decisions may seem, I will  _ always  _ have your six. Next time I call, can I talk to Miss Tasha?”

“She hasn’t had aids for four years or more, Nat. If ever. She’s been on the streets at least that long. She had to guess at her age and couldn’t remember having a name. She called me Dad a bit ago and Jamie Papa. Still coming to terms with that, honestly. Wade sent her to Dev when he saw the news. She watched him and Murdock fight, like a hobby!”

“I definitely need to meet her. Maybe we can figure out a video call?”

“This is your system, I just follow instructions. You tell me what it is all capable of. Oh and it's safe to venture outside, if we stay close, yes?”

“I’ll get it set up and yes. Stick to the clearing and woods though. I will bump up the security before nightfall there. After I do, you can go out anytime.” She did that thing where she sighed and yet didn’t. “Maybe you should sit this one out. For James’ sake. Fury wanted me to point out that he is listed as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, albeit one KIA. That means Fury and Hill will protect him too.”

“I trust Fury …”

“I get it, I do. You nicknamed him. That was enough for me. Let me check out some things. Keep your phone on you. Oh and Clint?”

“Yeah?”

Now she just sounded sad. “If anyone, and I mean anyone, speaks Russian around him you shoot them between the eyes. Empty your clip or use an explosive arrow to take off their head completely. Only Russian will do it. Not even one word, Clint. No question, no compromise. I remember seeing them once. He was training me. They were worried he’d been ‘out’ too long. I have no memory of the words, just that they said them and with each one, he was less the man I had come to know in training and more a unquestioning drone. I hated it. So much. I’ve got his six too. I swear to you.”

“I know, Nat.”

“Go, teach my mini me to keep herself safe until I can teach her a few of my tricks. I’ll be in touch soon. More than five days and you know what to do.”

“Burn the world down to find you?”

“Exactly. Now, go on. Talk to him about what I suggested. Let me know what you two decide.”

“I know it makes you twitchy, but love you, Nat.”

“Love you too.” 

Damn it, Clint was proud of that fact. Natasha Romanov’s idea of love was a fierce and amazing thing. It was a fucking honor to be on the very short (to his knowledge it was one person) list. Though, he couldn’t help but wonder if Tasha (and maybe Jamie?) might someday be added to that list.

He ended the call and sat there for a bit. Jamie deserved to take HYDRA on. So very much. He also deserved to be free of them and it was a risk to fight them until the triggers were gone. All he could do was share her views and let Jamie decide. He’d not been allowed his own decisions in far, far too long. Clint was all about getting him used to doing so again.

  
  


\--**--


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Needed conversations happen.

Tasha was happily attempting to find foot and handholds in the tree Clint had picked as perfect for climbing. He knew she could climb city things, but this was the easiest way to judge her balance and dexterity out here. The moon was rising and there was enough light that signing wasn’t an issue. Neither he nor Jamie had wanted to bring any lanterns or flashlights since they would ruin their night vision that way. They were standing on either side of the tree, where they could see one another and sign, but also (hopefully) catch Tasha if she fell.

_ Nat said maybe sit this one out.  _

_ Why? She not trust me? _

_ She remembers you. Remembers them using words, and no she can’t remember what they were. Just that it was Russian only. It upset her then and now, the way it fucked with you. Who you are under it all. She has your six. I’m not telling you that to upset you, just for context. _

_ So, why sit it out?  _

_ For you, your safety. She made me promise to shoot anyone that said even one word of Russian around you.  _ Clint grinned.  _ I promised. Just didn’t tell her that was my plan already. _

Jamie grinned before darting forward and catching Tasha, looking utterly frantic. She waved off his concern, sneaking in a quick kiss on his cheek and was grinning as she was set on her feet.  _ So much easier than jumping down. So how’d I do? _

Clint pointed at the tree, frowning.  _ The landing is important. You did good, very good. Now, go again and get back to the ground yourself.  _

_ I just thought Auntie Nat would be the best to teach me to stick the landings is all. _

Clint tried not to laugh, really he did. She had been thrilled that Nat wanted to meet her and would be fixing up a way to do a video call. She had asked dozens of questions, some of which he had refused telling her to ask Nat instead.  _ Hurt my feelings, I was a circus kid! I could teach you about proper landings too. _

She giggled and started back up the tree. Clint couldn’t resist, really. He followed her up, giving her pointers. Jamie stood at the bottom, watching both of them as if he was worried both would fall and he would have to catch them both. Awwww, no, feelings again. He focused back on Tasha. They had a lot to teach her and no idea on how long they had to do it. 

\--**--

James sighed, settling in on the surprisingly comfortable couch in the main living area. The hours they had spent out in the woods, showing Tasha the basics of survival, had been a welcome break from thinking only about Natalia’s suggestion. He knew it was pure paranoia to be worried about being triggered in English, but he couldn’t bring himself to say that. Though, he was going to try. Not that he minded signing. He didn’t. Tasha teased that it was their ‘secret language’. It had made him smile, lifting one of those weights he would do anything to remove, but yet couldn’t because he couldn’t identify the root of each one. 

  
Clint stumbled in, looking as if he’d been through a battle and James supposed he had been. Tasha did not want to miss a thing. She also didn’t like having to stop training to bathe and sleep. So, it had taken creative bribes to get her inside. Clint had offered to make sure she was actually in bed and at least attempting to sleep. James grinned.  _ You look tired. _

_ Ha! She had this tiny stuffed animal keychain thing that had to be found before she would get into bed. How she misplaced it is a total mystery. _

_ I take it you found it? _

_ Yeah. Surprise, surprise, it was a gift from Wade. Hello Kitty. _ At his blank look, Clint snickered and added. _ It’s a Japanese cartoon cat, basically. Apparently, she can’t sleep without it.  _

_ You do realize she knew exactly where it was and made you look for it to delay bedtime, right?  _ James cautiously tugged Clint down with him. The man was too fucking adorable for James’ own good. Clint nodded, laying his head back and closing his eyes. 

_ I know full well I’m a sucker where my people are concerned.  _

James got up and got a cup of coffee. The coffee pot was never not on. He liked coffee, but for Clint it was basically the elixir of life. So, he poured a cup and took it back over, carefully wrapping Clint’s hands around the cup. He was amused enough to take the cup back and refill it a few minutes later, watching Clint as he finally got back some of his energy. 

_ What do you do when there is no coffee? _

Clint looked utterly horrified. He just stared, blinking as if he either couldn’t imagine such a thing or was remembering the horror of such a time.  _ Always coffee. Always. Bad Jamie. Single serving pouches mean I always have coffee.  _

James’ lips twitched and he finally lost it, laughing until he could feel tears forming. He made a mental note to find the stash of these single serving coffees that had to be here somewhere and stash some on the quinjet and his backpack. Clearly Clint without coffee was something to prevent at all costs.  _ I won’t tease you again.  _

_ Tease away. Nat does. No one else though. Usually I shoot at them for it. They think I miss them, but I never do. I’m aiming to scare them, not injure them. Idiots. You’d think hardened S.H.I.E.L.D. agents would react better. But no.  _

James found himself laughing all over again. He could not get the mental image of some poor fool thinking it would be funny to tease Agent Barton about the coffee being gone. That same fool diving for cover because, clearly, Agent Barton did not joke around where coffee was concerned. Clint was grinning, clearly proud of himself. 

_ I’ll wait for you to stop laughing.  _ Clint poked his tongue out like Tasha had a habit of doing.  _ Am I wrong though? You’d think it was in the training packet by now. DO NOT, under any circumstances, tease Agent Barton about or keep Agent Barton from coffee. You are responsible for any damages should you not heed this warning.  _

He wasn’t sure how long he laughed, only that it felt wonderful. Finally, he managed to calm himself.  _ I think Natalia is right. _

_ She usually is. About sitting it out? _

James nodded.  _ I need to say it. Out loud. Okay? _

Clint reached up and turned his aids on, curling up on the couch like a fucking pretzel. He swore it was comfortable but James didn’t know how it could be. 

“It is safe, here with you. Talking I mean. I know that. I’m fucked in the head, but not fucked in the head enough to think you or Tasha are risks. Out there,” he said, waving his hand towards the bay and outside world, “that’s a different story. I want to hunt them down. Every last one of them. I can’t risk either of you by putting myself out there to be caught again.”

Clint tipped his head, frowning. “How would you be risking us?”

“I don’t know what they do, what they can see. They ‘recondition’ me and my brain is so fucking fried that they could be checking my memories for all I know. I won’t risk either of you.” He held up a hand. “Before you get grumpy, I know you can take them on. Tasha can’t, not yet. I made the decision to go with you. It may have been a bad decision, simply because it put you at risk.”

“Do you regret it?” Clint asked, his voice low and full of wariness. 

“No! Just no.” He shoved his hands through his hair. It took a few minutes to get his thoughts back in order. “I don’t regret trusting you or having that awesome little girl in my life. I made the decisions freely. I don’t want my decisions to harm either of you.”

“They won’t. We won’t let them. Remember, Nat said Fury and Hill will go to bat for you and watch your six. You are S.H.I.E.L.D., the first official agent actually. You aren’t alone anymore.”

James didn’t know what to make of that. He hadn’t earlier when Clint had told him the first time. Despite what many would probably think after his quick decision to go with Clint, he didn’t trust easily. His instincts were superhuman, thanks to the serum they had injected him with years ago. He had known, down to his bones, that Clint was exactly what HYDRA feared: Loyal to a fault. Somehow, and wasn’t he a lucky fucker, that loyalty had been given to him. “I can’t trust them.”

Clint’s expression and tone were dead serious. “Yeah. I don’t trust Fury with you right now either. I trust him. But, he’s also pragmatic. If he thought waving you in front of them would give him an edge to take them down, he’d probably do it. That is unacceptable to me, Jamie. Full stop.”

James grinned. Indignant Clint Barton was even more attractive than every other minute of the day Clint Barton. “Not arguing. I am done being a bargaining chip.”

“I’ll text Nat.” Clint sank back into the cushions with a happy sigh. “We can’t stay here forever. The Avengers are still a thing. For now it works though, yeah?”

James watched as Clint nearly fell asleep. “It does. Now, up you go. I do not want you breaking something because you fell off that ledge trying to get to bed.”

“I once stayed up 42 hours practicing,” Clint muttered grumpily. “There are stairs too.”

James pulled the blond to his feet and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Those aren’t stairs, Clint, those are barely footholds. Let’s go. You should have had plenty of sleep. You okay?”

“‘Mmmm. I sleep. Just check on you two sometimes.”

“I’m a grown ass adult,” James pointed out wryly.

“With PTSD. I have it too, ya know.” Clint yawned. “Post traumatic stress disorder. Trauma causes bad shit, no shame in admitting it.”

James shifted Clint so he was basically carrying him without letting on to Clint that was what he was doing. “Do I want to know why you have it?”

“Shitty childhood, Norse God mindfucking me,” Clint yawned again, stumbling up the sorta stairs to his room. “Just being an agent would do it. Wake me up if you need someone to talk to. Okay?”

James watched. He was fully prepared to jump up to the ledge and catch Clint should he not make it to the bed. “I just check on you two and the security. But, if I need someone to talk to, I will. Take your aids out.”

“I will.” Clint crawled into the bed, fully clothed. “You promise?”

“Promise.”

He waited until he heard Clint snoring to go back down and peek in on Tasha. She was curled up under her soft blanket, clutching something vaguely catlike in her hand. He’d seen her with it every night, but hadn’t thought to ask about it. Must be the Hello Kitty thing. 

He moved on into the control room. There was one more decision he’d made. One he didn’t know how to tell Clint about. He would, because it would be wrong not to. He only hoped Clint understood and didn’t hate him for it. He sat down and checked the system, finding what he was looking for. He found the number Natalia had left for Clint and called it. He shut down, it was the only way he could do this. Do what was necessary. 

“Clint?”

“No, Natalia.”

“James. Is everything okay?”

“Clint and Tasha are fine. You need to promise me something.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Natalia.”

“James.”

“I need a fail safe, Natalia.”

“Don’t. I’ll hang up, James.”

“I’ll keep calling back.”

“This isn’t-”

“If you say necessary then we both know you are lying.”

She sighed heavily. “You don’t know all that I do about him yet. It would kill Clint. I can’t do that to him.”

“Then, if needed, do it to protect him.”

“He doesn’t need protecting from you!”

“He might. A few words, Natalia. That’s all it would take.”

“He never misses. They won’t get the words out.”

“Think of Tasha. She’s just a kid, Natalia. Not innocent, but not traumatized like you were. I don’t want to be the source of that trauma. You know how they work. They’d send me after Clint and Tasha. Maybe even you.”

She was quiet for a very long time. “I hate this, James. Fucking hate it.”

“You think I don’t?”

“I know you do. Why me?”

“I trained you. I know how good you were then and you’re even better now. Who else can I ask?”

Her voice wavered for a split second and then flattened. “I will fucking kick your ass for this. Fine. Only if there are zero other options left. I will be making a list of options, make no mistake. Number one being hit your thick fucking skull with something.”

“You hate me now, I’m sorry for that.”

Her laugh was that weird, almost wet sounding type. “No, never have, not sure I ever could. He’s my best friend. The only person I’d burn the fucking world down for. He  _ matters _ .”

“Should I apologize for shooting you that time? I mean, you’re already mad at me and all.”

“You -. Ugh. No apologizing for that. I got it. I get it. Why Tasha, just out of curiosity?”

“Like Clint said, Natalia is your before name. Natasha is an Avenger, a hero. Someone Tasha already looked up to. A goal to aim for.”

“Ugh. I’ll tell you what I told Clint, not sure I am a good role model.”

“You are. You’re the sort that would burn the world down for your best friend. That’s the sort she needs to be.”

“You have a week to tell Clint about this before I do.”

“Harsh, Natalia. Harsh.”

“Wonder where I learned that from, hmm?”

“Fine. I was going to eventually.”

“If by eventually, you mean in the next week then great. Hanging up now.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Not for this. Never for this.”

James sat back, hating himself a little for it, but it had been necessary. Natalia had known it too. That was why she agreed. If he sat there and cried for the first time in years, he wasn’t going to judge himself for it. He couldn’t bring himself to stay shut down. It was too much like what they made him into, rather than who he truly was. His memory was still full of holes and probably always would be. 

The hazy, barely there memory of a woman’s voice telling him ‘there is no use crying over spilled milk’ nearly set him off crying again. Something told him it was his mother. He tried concentrating on that voice, hoping maybe to bring more memories back. ‘Watch Steve. He gets in over his head.’ ‘She's your baby sister, Jamie, protect her.’ James stood, blinking back tears again. He still couldn’t see her, but he knew her voice now. It was something. ‘Don’t you dare die over there, Jamie.’ 

He all but ran out of the control room at that one. Fuck, just fuck. He could probably ask what had happened to his parents. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. God, his baby sister could still be alive. Would she even want to see him? Would she hate him? Could he face her? He sure as fuck wasn’t ready to face Steve.

He made his way up to the bay and the storage room connected to it. Clint had explained this was where the mining equipment had been stored. Explosives too. They had done an excellent job of outfitting this place. It wasn’t nearly as rough or basic as Clint warned it was. Hell, the kitchen alone was bigger than any he could remember seeing. Clint and Natalia had focused on the main room and kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms for the two of them and a guest, and the control room. He didn’t blame them. But, there were other spaces too. Clint had shown him the plans for the other rooms. If he couldn’t sleep, he could be helpful. Natalia would need her room back. He had no doubts she would arrive eventually. 

He sorted through the supplies, thankful that for whatever reason he knew things though he still had no clue how he knew them. One of the empty ‘rooms’ in what he considered the ‘hall of bedrooms’ was perfect for what he had in mind. He carried the boxes and other supplies through, stacking them in the corner. It was times like this that he was - well, not grateful because that was awful - but it was almost a good thing Clint and Tasha would sleep despite him making lots of noise. At least, in this instance. He hated it normally, feeling like they were extra vulnerable when they slept. 

He opened the first box, grinning at the thought of surprising Tasha. Clint thought staying here wouldn’t work forever. James had other ideas. Everyone needed a true home. He didn’t see why they couldn’t make this place theirs. 

He found the instructions. He flipped through until he came across a language he knew and then laughed again. Now he understood Clint’s comments about this being the shit part. He had patience, tons of it. He could make this work. 

—**—


	8. Surprises and Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie stood there like a statue for a long minute. It felt like forever. He finally shook his head and sighed. “First off, it has nothing to do with trust. I trust you, more than anyone else. I hate that I made you doubt it. I hate that it is a base I had to cover or that I’m probably going to be hit upside the head with a metal pipe the next time Natalia sees me. She was not happy about it. I hate that you think it has nothing to do with you. It has-.” His voice wavered. “Just know that it wasn’t an easy decision or one I like. I couldn’t ask you. I wouldn’t. I hate that you probably hate me now. I’m sorry.”

Clint stumbled towards the kitchen desperate for coffee, stopping short and staring at one of the spare rooms he and Nat hadn’t bothered with yet. He rubbed his eyes, wondering if he was still dreaming. Then he pinched himself. Ouch, pain, bad. Nope, not dreaming. His brows shot up. 

He stepped into the room and looked around. Aww, feelings, no. Jamie was curled up against the far wall, sound asleep surrounded by empty IKEA boxes. The room had been empty, but now was well on its way to being a fully kitted out bedroom, well as much as they had the supplies for. His heart. Man, oh man, he was sunk. Totally. 

The bed had been slid back into a large concave section in the wall making it a secure, almost secret place. Three bookshelves had been lined up against the far wall. Some of his spare construction supplies (Hey! Everyone had a hobby okay!) had been used to build a desk. A Tasha-sized desk. Clint ran his hand over the desktop, grinning at the smooth wood. His sander was sitting on the makeshift table across the room, by another concave part of the wall that it looked like Jamie had been making into a closet of sorts. Clearly, Jamie had been busy. 

Leaving Jamie to sleep, not wanting to wake him even to simply get him into a bed, Clint hurried to the kitchen and started the coffee. He could manage eggs and pancakes. After his first pot of coffee. Okay, he could manage pancakes because the mix was simple: measure and add water. Nat had even taught him how to make them better. He grabbed what he needed and was mixing in the cinnamon and vanilla into the batter when Tasha appeared, rubbing her eyes and - he laughed - all but drowning in one of his hoodies. 

_ Morning. _

She immediately came over and hugged him.  _ What are you making? _

_ Pancakes and eggs. We need to be quiet, Jamie is sleeping. _

She picked up one of the stools and brought it over next to him. Once she had climbed up and settled in, she frowned.  _ Is Papa not sleeping enough? _

_ I don’t know. I will ask him, you shouldn’t worry. _

She gave him one of those eerily Nat-like glares.  _ I will too! About both of you. _

_ Why did you trust us? _ He had been wanting to ask, just not sure if she would be offended. He needed to know though. He’d been a street kid and knew how wary and distrusting they were. Clint set the pan out and got it heating. He grabbed another one for the eggs, keeping one eye on her. It wasn’t too soon to teach her cooking basics either. 

_ I can tell who is good and who is bad.  _ She looked fierce.  _ You said Uncle Wade was a friend. He isn’t good or bad. He is right in the middle. He thought he had to convince me the good was bigger than the bad. I didn’t need convincing, I already knew it.  _

That was the most accurate description Clint had ever heard for Wade. He showed her how to pour the pancake batter (Without burning herself! He’d made that mistake too many times.) as he pondered his response.  _ Yeah, you are right. His good, usually, is more than his bad. But, what does that have to do with us? _

She rolled her eyes dramatically, snatching the spatula out of his hand, putting it on the counter. She pushed up her sleeves.  _ Jeez, Dad. I am not a moron, you know. I have seen so many bad people. So many good people too.  _ She flipped the pancake and Clint gaped. She was better at it than he was! Fucks sake. She smiled smugly.  _ There was this diner. The cook would feed me when I was first on the streets. He showed me how to flip pancakes. Said it was payment for the food. He would drag over a stepstool and set me up. Figured out when I was older that it was his way of keeping me safe while the diner was open. Nice man. He died though.  _

_ Why did you hit the streets?  _ He wasn’t sure he wanted that answer either, but it was necessary. Once this shit was over, they would need to get her to a doctor and Audiologist. Knowing any … unforgivable shit ... that had been done to her wasn't something he wanted to know, but needed to know. For her sake. 

Tasha pointed to the carton of eggs.  _ Hand me those too, please, Dad. I can cook for us.  _

_ Answer the question.  _ He handed over what she wanted though, curious to see how many skills she had that he’d simply not considered. It would be an asshole move to discount her. 

She sighed heavily and commenced with breaking the eggs in the bowl with far more skill than he would ever have. Once they were scrambled and the bowl set aside, she flipped more pancakes onto the waiting plate before answering him.  _ Bad people. Drugs. Smart enough to know to get out before they looked at me instead of the woman I was supposed to call Mom. She wasn’t a mom. Not a good one.  _

_ Tasha. How old were you when you ran for good?  _ Clint suspected she remembered more than she had told them. It was a street kid survival technique. He didn’t fault her for it or get upset over it. He’d been there.

_ Eight. I went to school before that. I can read, write, and do basic math. I think 2nd grade? It is hazy. I ran in the summer.  _

_ Are you really 12 or 13? _

She nodded.  _ Small for my age. I don’t really remember my birthday, so I wasn’t lying there. You mad at me? _

Clint hugged her, not caring if the food burned as a result. She poked him in the side a couple of minutes later and went back to cooking.  _ I get it. I was a street kid too. I wasn’t alone though, not at your age. That was later, when I was pretty much a grown up. Do you remember your name or did you forget it on purpose? _

She blushed bright red. Ha! He’d thought so. Not that it mattered. Matt had made it legal, she wasn’t going back.  _ It was a dumb name anyway.  _

He would ask one last thing and then leave it for now.  _ Is your hearing as bad as mine? _

She nodded, fervently.  _ I sort of remember having hearing aids. The clunky ones that only helped a little. I really, really can’t hear anything without them. My voice was funny. The kids made fun of me.  _

He hugged her tightly. He hadn’t had to deal with that particular issue because his mother had been fierce about advocating for him to have aids as soon as possible. Well that and training himself to enunciate and hide the slight impediment. That shit would not be happening to her any longer. Well as much as anyone could stop it. Now wasn’t the time to be sad though. With that in mind, he grinned.  _ You might be a better cook than I am.  _

She did one of those hip shaking chair dances and Clint laughed. He looked up, catching sight of Jamie out of his peripheral vision.  _ Morning. How much sleep did you get? _

Jamie shrugged. He groggily made his way over and slumped into one of the stools. Clint got him coffee, refilling his own mug at the same time. After his third cup, Jamie perked up a bit. Then he blushed.  _ I uh - huh. Well. _

Clint grinned and then playfully scowled.  _ You shouldn’t sleep on the floor.  _

_ You don’t mind? _

Clint rolled his eyes.  _ Of course not! Why would I? _

Jamie shrugged, still blushing. 

Tasha scowled.  _ Papa! Why were you sleeping on the floor? _

_ You look fierce -  _ Jamie paused, looking confused -  _ I was going to say like a  _ \- he spelled out dragon -  _ but I don’t know that one. _

Clint made a ‘w’ and held his hand up to his mouth, wiggling his fingers. He was laughing. It was a fun sign.  _ If you do this _ \- he moved his hand away from his mouth in a wave sort of motion -  _ You say Wales, as in the country.  _

_ There is a country called Wales?  _ Tasha pouted.  _ This means more lessons, doesn’t it? _

_ If you don’t know geography, how will you read maps? Avengers need to read maps for missions.  _ Jamie winked at her.  _ After we eat, I have a surprise for you. _

Tasha’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas and Clint supposed it was sort of like that. Not that he thought she’d ever had traditional Christmas. It was something to think about and plan for.  _ What sort of surprise? No, don’t tell me. It will make it better if I don’t know.  _

_ Our girl is a good cook, _ Clint told Jamie.  _ Ready to eat? _

Jamie smiled widely, nodding. He happily took the plate from Clint. It was one of those happy sorts of moments that Clint didn’t get very often, so he tried to appreciate them when they happened. 

\--**--

James was nervous as he led Tasha down the hall. He’d not thought beyond giving her space that was her’s. That she could say ‘no, stay out’ if she wanted to. He remembered enough to know that such things were important to girls. Clint was smiling that reassuring smile he was so good at and James settled a bit. They could change what she didn’t like. It wasn’t like he had accomplished as much as he wanted to anyway. 

Tasha darted into the room, her eyes wide. She stood stunned for a minute before she raced around the room, checking every single thing. Finally, she turned to where he and Clint were standing in the doorway.  _ Mine? _

_ Yes. Not done, sorry about that.  _

She ran, slamming into him and squeezing him as tight as she could. When she finally let go and stepped back, she had tears on her face, but was still smiling widely.  _ I love it. Thank you, Papa! _

_ We need more stuff,  _ James reminded her wryly.  _ I just wanted you to have your own space. If you don’t like something, we can change it. _

She rolled her eyes with all the drama of a teenager.  _ Why would I change things?  _

Clint had known he was sunk earlier, but the feelings he was having now only confirmed it. Jamie looked stunned and proud and almost wary. Clint worried that Jamie was worried everything would go wrong and HYDRA would get him.  _ It is awesome, Jamie. Why don’t we go up and see what other things we might have that work for in here? _

_ You go on _ , Jamie encouraged Tasha.  _ You remember where the supply room is? _

She nodded.  _ Just look, okay? Don’t try to get anything until you have help. _

Tasha raced off.

_ Something wrong?  _

_ I called Natalia last night. Hacking was a thing they made sure I knew. Made her promise to do what you won’t consider if it is the only option. I couldn’t not tell you. _

Clint blinked, processing the information that had all been dumped on him in a rush of signs he barely could follow. Jamie was pale and looked ready to run.  _ Wait. Let me process, okay? _

Jamie sighed, but stopped fidgeting. 

He took a deep breath and thought through everything. It hurt. The mere thought of Nat hunting Jamie down and at his request. It hurt that Jamie thought he wouldn’t understand, no matter how much he hated it. He reached up and turned his aids on. “I hate it. But, I get it. I really, really hate that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me before you did it. I hate that you went to the one person who could manage it. I hate that you are in a position that you have to ask someone to fucking execute you because some dumbass fuckwit Nazis made you the world’s longest Prisoner of War. I hate that it is even on the table of options.” 

He finally wound down, breathing heavily and fearing he would do something dumb like cry. He knew he was being a jerk. Jamie made the decision and it had nothing to do with Clint. It was what he’d wanted the other man to do. With that in mind, he pressed on, his tone apologetic. “I know I am being a bastard. This is your decision and it has nothing to do with me. I’m sorry for losing my shit.”

Jamie stood there like a statue for a long minute. It felt like forever. He finally shook his head and sighed. “First off, it has nothing to do with trust. I trust you, more than anyone else. I hate that I made you doubt it. I hate that it is a base I had to cover or that I’m probably going to be hit upside the head with a metal pipe the next time Natalia sees me. She was not happy about it. I hate that you think it has nothing to do with you. It has-.” His voice wavered. “Just know that it wasn’t an easy decision or one I like. I couldn’t ask you. I wouldn’t. I hate that you probably hate me now. I’m sorry.”

Clint was still trying to form words to say that he could never hate Jamie, when the other man pretty much ran from the room. He hated himself a little bit for making Jamie doubt him. Fuck. Just fuck. He should have reached out, caught Jamie on his way past. But, he’d been too shocked. 

He headed towards the supply room. Tasha needed to know not to climb the shelves and then he could search out Jamie. The mine wasn’t too extensive, but there were many short passages that they’d not bothered to block or do much of anything else with. It would take time. He didn’t mind that. He was just worried about Tasha while he fixed what he’d messed up so badly. 

She was waiting for him and frowned when she saw he was alone.  _ Is Papa okay? _

_ No. He is upset. Not at you, before you worry about that. Do you want to keep looking or wait and start your schoolwork now? _

_ Because of the bad guys? _

_ Sort of. Because of things the bad guys did to him.  _ That was all he was willing to explain to her. There were some things Clint would do his best to shield her from and what exactly had been done to her Papa was one of those things. As far as he was concerned, if HYDRA hadn’t fucked with Jamie, they wouldn’t have argued about the horrible choice Jamie had been forced to make. A choice Clint thought was because of him and Tasha. To protect them. Jamie was built to protect, not be some merciless killing machine. 

Her eyes went wide.  _ Go. Find him, Dad. Please don’t let him go away from us. Please! I don’t want to lose either of you. _

Clint paled when he realized she wasn’t talking about Jamie packing up and walking away. Fuck.  _ He wouldn’t hurt himself, kiddo.  _ Clint nearly threw up at the thought. He hated that she’d seen things that would make her worry about that possibility.  _ He wouldn’t. Want a hug? _

_ Yes, but later. Find Papa and make sure, Dad?  _

_ You’ll be okay? _

She shooed him off, nodding.  _ I’ll even go do my school stuff. Don’t worry about me.  _

_ I will always worry about you. _

She managed a smile.  _ Go. Find him. I’ll study and make soup. Better for when you are upset. _

_ Thank you for being so awesome.  _

_ You too. Now, go! _

He didn’t need to be told again.

\--**--

James knew he was being a total fool, but that didn’t stop his fight or flight response from kicking in. So, he ran, heading for the part of the mine that had barely been touched, his mind racing. Would Clint ask him to go, hating him too much to stand looking at him? Would Clint hate him, but want him to stay anyway out of some sort of loyalty? Had he totally ruined everything? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

He wasn’t even paying attention to where the fuck he was going, his anxiety too much to even talk sense into himself. Heart pounding, he hauled himself up and tucked his body into a small area, not even truly registering the scrapes from the rough rocks. He curled up, wrapping his arms around his legs and shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face. His mind oh so fucking helpfully kicked up memories. The bad kind. He was lost in the swirl of all the horrible, horrible shit he’d been forced to do and he couldn’t find a way out. He wanted to scream, but managed to hold that in. Then, he was lost again in the memories. 

“Jamie? Come on, listen to me. Please.” 

He looked up to find Clint crouched a couple of feet away, looking almost as panicked as he felt. His voice was hoarse and his tone pleading. James wondered how long he’d been there. He blinked slowly, feeling worn down and ragged. 

Clint tried but didn’t quite manage a smile. “Hey. There you are.”

He tried to talk, but his throat was so sore he couldn’t manage more than a small, wounded sort of sound. He low grade hurt all over. How long had he been lost in memories? How long had Clint been trying to get through to him? 

“Can I move closer?”

He managed a  _ yes.  _ Wasn’t it just fucking perfect? All he could manage was moving a hand. Fucks sake. This was ridiculous.

“PTSD and anxiety are a total bitch,” Clint said conversationally, coming to sit next to where he’d managed to wedge himself into some sort of break in the rocks. “After Loki mindfucked me, Nat had to climb up in the rafters one time after I lost all my shit. Took her hours to get through to me.” He paused. “Then there was the time I managed to get myself in the vents at Avengers Tower. That time she just sighed and settled in the hallway, talking to me from there. She said it was better than my other options considering my habit of heights and risky perches.”

He shifted, as much as he was able in this ridiculously small area. He felt like he could sleep for a damn week, but he had to make sure Clint didn’t hate him. That it was possible sent his heart pounding again.  _ I’m sorry. I don’t want you to hate me. _

Clint just sighed heavily. “Yeah, not sure that’s even possible. The hating thing, I mean. I should be apologizing. I’m the one that lost all my shit. And was a hypocrite.”

_ No apologizing. Why a hypocrite?  _ James couldn't figure that part out. He wasn’t sure if it was the pounding headache or just aftermath of what Clint said was PTSD or anxiety. Maybe both? He didn’t fucking know, only that he hated it.

“I said you should be making the decisions about your life. Then I lost my shit when you made one I didn’t like. It was wrong of me.”

James wasn’t sure how to say all the things half-formed in his head. He was a bad bet. They were just friends. He probably should have never involved Clint in his fucked up life. But, he had and James (no matter how much of a bastard it made him) wouldn’t apologize for it. Clint had claimed to see the real him, even when he’d not known much more than his own fucking name.  _ No. Not wrong. I should have talked to you first. I do trust you.  _

“I had a lot of people stop trusting me after the mindfucking. It was me being touchy, not anything you actually did.”

James’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t like the sound of that at all. Yeah, going straight to planning on hunting the fuckers down that would dare question Clint’s loyalty and blame him for something outside of his control seemed a bit extreme. Didn’t stop him though.  _ Who?  _

“No one important, not really. Agents who have refused to work with me since then. People that I had saved their asses more than a few times. Some, like the STRIKE team just make nasty little comments. I just work with Nat now. Sometimes STRIKE, but they are apparently all HYDRA bastards, so from here on out, just Nat.”

_ I am reconsidering that idea of sitting this one out.  _ The STRIKE fuckers were all assholes and knowing they had hurt Clint enough that he was still wary two years later was making him feel more than a bit homicidal. Yeah, his mind was totally fucked.

“Why?”

_ They deserve death for treating you that way when it wasn’t your fault.  _

“Nah. They deserve it for willingly joining HYDRA, sure. Not liking me isn’t a killable offense, Jamie. I kinda love that you think it is though. Just saying.”

James shrugged. He wasn’t taking it back. 

“Think you are good to get up? We’ve got some of Nat’s hot tea, if you want some? If you can stand to eat, you probably should. Something sweet too, you need that too. Then, you are going to bed. Got it?” Clint hopped to his feet and held out a hand.

James smiled slightly. He laid his real hand in Clint’s and let the blond help haul him to his feet. He hadn’t ruined this. That meant he could damn well get through the rest of the bullshit. So he could keep this, whatever he and Clint were building brick by brick. Then he paled. His voice was rough, “Tasha?”   
  


“Promised to do her schoolwork and make some sort of soup. No smoke alarm went off, so she must’ve managed it.” Clint squeezed his hand before letting it go. “She was worried about you. I told her it was upset from things they did to you.”

_ You weren’t wrong.  _ James mentally kicked himself. This incident proved he needed to stop fantasizing about them being some sort of family, where he and Clint were more than friends. He was a bad bet. No matter how much he wanted it to be otherwise.  _ I’ll take that tea, and whatever soup she made. Can’t be worse than some of the meals I had during the war. _

Clint laughed and another of those weights lifted. Yeah, being cared about by Clint Barton was pretty fucking awesome. He just had to be happy with the current state of things. No sense getting his hopes up with impossible dreams. 

\--**--


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Tasha finally get to have that video call. James is trying to do better at asking for help.

James had tried to do better. To be better about, well not asking really, more seeking out Clint when the anxiety got to be too much. He and Clint had talked a lot in the last few days. Once Tasha was in bed asleep. By unspoken agreement, they were a team in shielding her from shit she shouldn’t have to deal with. It helped. Clint had him use one of the notebooks they’d brought for Tasha’s school and actually write down things. Good memories. Bad memories. Hell, he’d even made a list of foods he knew he hated at Clint’s insistence. 

Part of that was sitting with them in the control room. Natalia had sent an email giving them a time and instructions on setting the video call up from their end. James had grinned at Clint and Tasha’s confusion, offering to set it up. He’d meant to make himself scarce but they’d not allowed it. So, he was sitting back by the door, giving the two of them center stage. 

The call connected and Natalia appeared on the computer screen.  _ It worked! _

_ Papa did it.  _ Tasha grinned, turning slightly to grin at him before turning back to the screen.  _ Dad and I were so confused. It is nice to meet you, Auntie Nat. _

Natalia outright grinned. James didn’t miss how stunned, yet pleased Clint was by her reaction.  _ It is very nice to meet you, Tasha. I am sorry it isn’t in person.  _

_ You are helping kill the bad guys so Papa is safe.  _

Natalia’s smile morphed into a smug expression.  _ I am indeed. You are helping too, from what your Dad has said.  _

_ I am? I can hit the target with a knife more now. When I get all my school answers correct, Dad teaches me with the bow too. But, how is that helping? _

_ You are making sure you can defend yourself. Or, if the bad guys find you, they will know you can get away.  _ Natalia laughed.  _ Someone should have bribed your Dad like that to do his school work. Or his field reports for work. Maybe you and your Papa can help me out there?  _

Tasha nodded, all but bouncing in her chair.  _ We can.  _ She turned again, giving James a pleading look.  _ Right, Papa? _

_ We can try.  _

Clint chuckled.  _ I am very good at hiding from paperwork. Nat is much better at the paperwork. I always mess it up. _

_ On purpose!  _

Tasha giggled.  _ They have been teaching me about good hiding spots. I am also learning geography and reading maps. Papa said I need that to be an Avenger.  _

_ He is correct.  _ Natalia crinkled up her nose.  _ Sometimes learning isn’t so fun, but you need it.  _

_ Dad says people will think I am dumb because I can’t hear. So, I will learn stuff to show them they are wrong.  _

_ Some people will also think you are dumb because you are a girl. Or because you aren’t grown up yet, on the outside. But, you just have fun learning all the things until I can help the other good people that I trust to kill the bad guys. We can worry about the idiots of the world later.  _

Natalia looked past Tasha to him.  _ James, I have started gathering intel that will help you. I sent a copy of it to Clint’s email.  _ She focused back on Tasha.  _ I can’t stay much longer. I am truly sorry for that.  _

_ You have bad guys to kill. Be careful? Please.  _

_ As careful as I can. Maybe soon I can meet you in person.  _

James shifted so he could see Tasha’s expression fully. He smiled. She had that bright eyed, wide smile that told him she was overjoyed by the prospect.  _ I can’t wait! I watched, you know, when you and Dad and the other Avengers fought the aliens. You kicked serious -  _ she paused to eye him and Clint before continuing -  _ butt. I was going to use a different word, but the dads make this grumpy face when I use those words.  _

Natalia laughed long and hard. Finally, she waved a hand in front of her face and composed herself.  _ I hope you were watching from a safe distance. As for the bad words, ha! I am sure you are learning lots of them and they are right, you should be a bit older before you use them, no matter how often they use them. _

_ Uncle Wade found me. That was when I met him. He took me to a safe place and made sure I was okay. He tried to take me to Father Dev then, but I was too scared. I was safe though, really safe. His good is bigger than his bad, Auntie Nat.  _

James nearly fell over. She could be asking Natalia the million and one questions he knew she had. Instead, she was using her time to advocate for a vigilante that had helped her. Tasha, by all logic, should fear not just this Wade guy, but him and even Clint and Natalia. Instead, she’d decided they were (to use Clint’s term) her people. He glanced over at Clint and damn if his resolve didn’t waver about them just being friends and him being a very bad bet. The blond was clearly so proud of Tasha. He was too. She not only survived on the streets at a very young age, she also did it without losing her ability to trust. He caught sight of Natalia signing again and tried to pay attention. 

_ Your survival instinct helps you find safe, yet dangerous people, Tasha. I am so proud of you, but it worries me too. Sometimes good people can make bad choices too.  _

Tasha scowled.  _ I know that, Auntie Nat. Sometimes bad people make good choices too. You can help me make my instincts even better, like Dad and Papa, right? _

_ I can, sweetie. But, I really need to go. Can I have a minute with your Dad and Papa?  _

Tasha sighed but nodded.  _ You can’t protect me from all the bad stuff though. _

_ I know, sweetie, but this we can. Just until you are a bit older. _

_ Okay. I don’t like it, but I get it.  _

Tasha waved at Natalia and left the room, closing the door as she went. He double checked that it was completely closed before turning back to the screen. 

_ We are a go for tomorrow. S.H.I.E.L.D. will not exist how it is currently after we do. Thanks to that virus you set loose  _ \- She grinned manically at Clint -  _ They could not accomplish even half of what they wanted to. We are destroying the new helicarriers. Hill and Coulson will take over. Fury will disappear, officially.  _

_ What are you doing, Nat?  _ Clint looked panicked.  _ Don’t do anything dumb without me to watch your six!  _

_ I’ll be with Fury. Cap has backup too. A new guy, you will either be best buddies or you’ll want to kill him, I haven’t decided yet. Stay there.  _ She glared, at both of them, and James winced.  _ Make him stay, James! This is going to get bad before it gets better. Let me protect both of you. Think of Tasha.  _

_ Fine.  _ Clint was not happy. Not one bit. James felt guilty. It was his fault Clint wouldn’t be there to have Natalia’s back. She was his best friend and because of James, his hands were tied. 

_ Do not, James.  _ Natalia gave him that look that meant a severe asskicking if he didn’t listen. He’d taught her that look and the asskicking that followed it, damn it. Not nice using it on him.  _ Look at the email before you both get all petulant with me. I need to go.  _

_ Nat. Love you. Be safe.  _

_ Back at you. I will contact you as soon as I can. Stay! _

She cut the call. 

Clint immediately set about accessing the email. They both stared in shock. She’d complied, in the short time she’d had to do it, massive amounts of information that would help clear Clint’s name and his too. Or at least, start the process on clearing his name.

Clint hit the ‘print’ button and the printer/copier thing in the corner kicked on. James had stopped asking just how the fuck they had managed to get all the equipment here. Most of it he’d had to have explained - hacking was a valid skill, recognizing equipment not necessary for hacking was not. Clint usually muttered something about “Nat said we needed it, so I made it happen”. In the actual email, she had given five different addresses. Locations, according to Natalia, of copies of the same information they were now printing out. 

Clint went over to the door and opened it. James wasn’t surprised to find Tasha curled up, leaning on the wall with one of her school books in her lap.  _ Go on, Tasha. Sit at your desk, please. The lighting is better there.  _

_ No more bad news?  _

James moved over to them, crouching down so he was on Tasha’s level.  _ No. Good news, but it is definitely a ‘promise you will not go looking’ sort of thing.  _

She rolled her eyes.  _ I am not a baby! _

_ No, you are not. We knew that the minute we met you.  _

Clint crouched down next to him.  _ You call us your dads, right? _

She nodded, still grumpy.  _ So? _

_ You trusted us. Out of all the grown ups you could have picked, you picked us, yeah?  _ She nodded, so Clint continued.  _ You have to let us be good parents then, kiddo. My dad was horrible, so I know what not to do. At least I hope so. My point is that part of being a parent is protecting your kid from shit they shouldn’t have to deal with yet.  _

James hated this, hated that they couldn’t keep the worst of the world away from her. But, she had seen some of it already. Hell, he didn’t want to think about half the shit she saw in what was supposed to be a safe place with her mother. Or what she may have seen on the streets. She did not need details (and he would be asking Natalia one day how the fuck she’d hacked that shit out of HYDRA’s systems) of what he’d been put through and forced to do over the years. Maybe, when she was much older, she could handle it. It wasn’t an option right now.  _ You read about Nazis and we told you enough about HYDRA for now. I would never, we would never, keep things from you that compromise your safety. Let us protect you where we can, okay?  _

_ You promise? _

_ To do what exactly?  _ Clint was clearly suspicious. James didn’t blame him. 

_ Promise to tell me the things I can handle.  _

James sighed.  _ We will tell you the things we think you can handle. Does that work? _

_ For now. _

Clint chuckled.  _ Go do your school stuff. We need to sort all of this. Promise to not go looking at any of it? _

She was reluctant, but nodded.  _ I promise.  _

They waited until she was gone. Clint sighed heavily. “The promise will hold. For now.”

“Can we lock it up, just so she isn’t tempted?”

“Yeah. You sure you want to look at it right now? You don’t have to.”

Damn it. How he fuck was he supposed to stick to his resolve when Clint kept being so amazing? He needed to focus on something else, anything else. So, James considered the suggestion. For about three seconds. No matter how much he wanted to run screaming from proof, right there in black and white, of all the horrible shit he’d done, he couldn’t afford to. If it was just his ass on the line, yeah putting it off would be his choice. It wasn’t just his ass he needed to protect, so there really was no getting out of it. “I do though. Can’t afford not to. Natalia went to a great deal of effort to gather that intel. I - we need to know what is out there about me. We can’t keep ahead of it otherwise.”

“I hate this. Wish it could all be destroyed, but then we wouldn’t have what we need to prove you were a P.O.W. or that none of it was your choice.”

James took the first stack of papers from the tray and set it on the desk. “Exactly. Who knows, maybe there is something in here about how they controlled me. Might give us what we need to fix me.”

“Don’t say that,” Clint snapped fiercely. “You aren’t some machine that has been damaged, Jamie! Ugh. You are an enhanced human being. That much we know. That is not a bad thing at all. It’s the horrible shit that needs to go. The trigger words are like that experiment ... damn it, Nat made me read that crap. Ugh, the dog guy. The one with the bells. Those sick HYDRA fucks just used that same sort of thing on a person. That isn’t on you. You aren’t broken, we just have to figure out how to get the horrible parts of the extra stuff out of your mind.”

James wanted to hug the man so fucking bad. Then he decided, why not? Hugs helped. Hugs also let him touch Clint, even in an innocent way. Clint was safe, Tasha was safe; it was everyone else he wasn’t certain about. Clint had called it touch therapy. James just called it helping him re-learn that he could touch and be touched without anyone getting hurt. He had far too many memories of being beaten or electrocuted when he’d done something his handlers didn’t like. Hell, he’d been trained to hand over a gun to be held on him when interacting with HYDRA people. That was new, his mental reminders to himself that he hadn’t been HYDRA, he was a survivor of them. He wasn’t doing all that great at convincing himself, but James knew he just needed time. 

He finally, very reluctantly, stepped back and let Clint go. He was trying not to be overprotective to the point that it was psychotic. Really he was. It was difficult though. He knew that Clint was competent to take care of himself. He had no doubts there. But, Clint was important to him. James was finding the longer he was outside of HYDRA control, the more he was returning to his old self. Or what he assumed was his old self. James was finding himself impatient with himself about his spotty memory. The problem (was it really a problem though?) was that he was protective of people that mattered. It was why he had insisted that Steve be kept in the dark, at least for now. James had wanted to protect Steve now too. He could sort of remember protecting Steve when they were younger, back before the war. So, it stood to reason that his protectiveness was a core quality. 

“You okay?”

Poor Clint, he ended up asking that question far too often. James attempted a smile. “Just reminding myself I can’t sit on you until Natalia contacts you that she’s okay.”

Clint snickered, but James could feel it wasn’t the man’s usual one. This one was more forced. “I’m constantly reminding myself that she has Fury as backup. That it will all be okay. Nat can more than competently take care of herself. I should go check on Tasha, but I don’t want you facing this shit alone either.”

James nearly hugged him again. “How about I just set the stacks of paper on the desk for now? We can go through it together after you make sure she’s okay.”

Clint blushed. “Sorry, I’m being an idiot again, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re being you and taking care of your people. I will never call you an idiot for that.”

“Jury still out on calling me an idiot for other things?”

James managed a genuine laugh at that. “I may call you on questionable choices, but I can’t see myself ever calling you an idiot.”

Clint rolled his eyes, adding paper to the copier/printer thing. “Oh you don’t even know, Jamie. I get hyper focused and if rappelling down and flying through a window is faster, I’ll do it without question. If Nat is in danger, I have been known to dive for her and roll us both out of the way even if that means getting in the way of bullets. This list is long.”

“Your risk taking, fuck it all approach is one of the reasons HYDRA feared you. You’re unpredictable in ways their rigid mindset can’t account for. You don’t follow rules, you have no discernible pattern. Yes, you will do risky shit, but it is risky shit that changes depending on circumstances.”

Clint looked pleased. “So I’m predictably unpredictable?”

“Yes.” James paused. “It will probably fuck with their heads when you don’t show up to cover Natalia. That is the one thing that can usually be counted on.”

Clint stood, closing the drawer on the machine. “If it is wrong of me to enjoy the mental image of them scrambling to find me, then I don’t want to be right. Plus,” he grinned and snickered, “you were their biggest threat. Together, we managed to completely fuck them over. From freaking Wisconsin. We’re awesome.”

“We are indeed.” James couldn’t resist smiling along with Clint. It thrilled him to see Clint so damn happy. It also tested his resolve. Resolve that was weakening by the minute. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie let loose of him and Clint dug out his phone. His hands were not shaking or so he tried to convince himself. He was grateful he’d not turned his aids off earlier when the phone rang, just as he was about to call. “Four fucking hours!”
> 
> Jamie grabbed him again, this time around the waist. Clint nearly laughed. He would laugh about it later, after he knew Nat was safe. “Before you ask, yes I was almost sat on. Now, explain.”
> 
> “Put me on speaker.”
> 
> Clint obliged, handing the phone to Jamie so he could sign for Tasha. “Go on.”
> 
> “Almost? Really, James?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life looks like it is about to get hectic. I will do my best to continue to update regularly.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

\--**--

Clint pulled at his own hair. Damn it. It shouldn’t be this difficult. Jamie had unearthed the television (still in its box) and carried it down. Nat’s instructions (taped to the box) to hook it up, so they could get all the channels, had been simple steps. He really did suck at all things electronic. Fuck. Ugh. He hated feeling incompetent. 

_ Let me see that.  _ Jamie pointed to the instructions, smiling wryly. 

Clint handed them over feeling utterly defeated. Why could he take on fucking aliens with relative ease, but was defeated by electronics?! 

_ Hey.  _

He sighed.  _ Yeah? _

_ Why the sad face? _

_ I hate feeling incompetent.  _

Jamie set the instructions aside, clearly concerned.  _ You are in no way incompetent. Why would you even think that? _

Clint just pointed to the pile of cords and general mess he’d made trying to accomplish a simple thing.  _ Do you see this? I am clearly a moron.  _

_ You are not! Don’t you dare, Clint.  _ Jamie moved over to sit with him on the floor.  _ Do I need to remind you all the things you are a total badass at?  _

Clint blushed, damn it, he could feel his neck and face heating up from it.  _ It is a television. One that Nat left simple instructions for! Hello. Clearly an idiot and a moron since I can’t seem to follow them. _

Jamie sighed, scooting closer and sliding an arm across Clint’s shoulders. They both glanced over to see Tasha at her desk with her back to them. Jamie turned, enunciating clearly. “You are not a moron nor are you an idiot.”

Clint flipped his aids on without jostling Jamie’s arm. In that, at least, he wasn’t an idiot. “It is stupid.”

“Now you just sound petulant. I hate that you use those words let alone about yourself, just so you know.”

Clint was confused. “What words?”

“Idiot and moron.”

Settling back against the couch, Clint nearly sighed happily at the feel of Jamie almost holding him. It was beyond nice. “Okay. Why?”

Jamie sighed heavily, leaning his head back on the cushions and closing his eyes. “You know what the eugenics movement was?”

Clint winced. “No, like I said, I wasn’t great at school and ended up dropping out.”

“It’s okay, I’m betting it isn’t taught today. Probably should check Tasha’s school books for it actually. But, it was this horrible, borderline insane movement based on physical criteria. The Nazis actually used a lot of the eugenics basics for their own brand of insanity.”

Clint’s jaw dropped. This was not something he remembered from school. Or in any museum (and that list was long) that Nat had taken him to over the years. He had tried, as an adult, to fill in some of the gaps in his education and hadn’t even heard of this. “It was an American thing?”

“Oh yes. Very big when Steve and I were kids, sick fucks. They actually had booths and speeches at fairs and things. The words were a small part so I will explain them first. Idiot meant you never developed mentally past about age two. Moron meant you never went beyond age twelve mentally. Imbecile was in between. They also used them on anyone who didn’t fit society's standard of normal. An excuse to ship them off to an asylum.” Jamie blushed. “Before you think I was some sort of proponent, I listened and made all sorts of mental notes about it because of Steve.”

“Uhhh, he seems pretty smart. So why?”

“Eugenics was all about selective breeding. Yeah, they called it that. Anyone with what they perceived as less than desirable traits was to be sterilized. Funny, the rich people funding that bullshit declared their research showed how the people with these less than desirable traits were all immigrants or poor or … ya know, not them. Not of their social class.”

Clint ran a hand over his face when the pieces fell into place. “Steve was sickly and his mom was an immigrant, right?”

“One who worked at a TB Ward, so she was seen as even less desirable. You also have to remember we had laws that meant if Steve’s mom did anything deemed wrong by anyone in power, she could have been deported. The Alien Enemies Act was no joke. The thought of the time, officially, was that the poor were poor due to bad breeding. It wasn’t The Great War followed by The Great Depression or anything. No, it was poor genetics. Fucking assholes.”

“Fuck. I really should have paid attention in school.”

“Yeah, history isn’t fun sometimes. But ignoring it is never a good idea.”

“Wait!” Clint held up a hand, trying to remember something he and Nat had discussed. Something about the Kennedy’s. “Oh, that makes so much more sense now.”

Jamie looked puzzled. “What does?”

“It was while you were … away. Huh, that still sounds wrong. Ugh.”

Jamie chuckled. “Human ice cube years?”

“Yeah.” Clint eyed him, remembering something else Kennedy related. “JFK. The president.”

Jamie winced. “Hrm. Yeah. Him I remember. All too well.”

“It was you, wasn’t it?” At Jamie’s reluctant nod, Clint clenched his fists. “Fucking HYDRA. Did they say why or just give you targets and say go to it.”

Jamie winced. “Sometimes. Other times, they had me convinced that I was doing what was right for the World Order.” He laughed, though it was brittle and almost derisive. “Their version of it anyway. He was deemed a risk. He was making too many changes that would, and my handlers were officially KGB at that point, destroy their power base. But, get back to what you were meaning, please.”

“He has a sister. One that was an embarrassment to the family. It wasn’t I even until the last few years anyone outside the family knew for sure she existed. When the story broke, Nat was so damn sad. They lobotomized her, Jamie. I thought Nat was going to lose all her shit. I get it now. She, the sister, would have been seen as proof they weren’t genetically made for greatness, right? Nat would have seen all of this, just like, you did. Right?”

“I have no idea how long the movement lasted, honestly. The parents would have been exposed to it though.” Jamie’s arm around him tightened in a half hug. “Yeah, she would have. I don’t want to spill her secrets though.”

Clint laid his head on Jamie’s shoulder. “Ehh. She told me about The Red Room, at least most of it. Ohhh, shit. Well that makes sense. So much. Damn it.”

“What does? Or do I not want to know?”

“Nat told me about all the things they did to make her and the other girls ‘better’. You know what they did, at least some of it, right?”

“They were making perfect little soldiers. Genetically as well as in all the other ways. You don’t … just do not ever ask her what happened to the girls that didn’t perform well enough.”

Clint curled up, happy that Jamie didn’t mind, against Jamie’s side. “Oh, I have a good idea. I … well, what would have happened to Tasha and me back then?”

Jamie winced, looking over at Tasha, who was oblivious to this whole conversation. Clint was glad about that. She didn’t need this sort of bullshit in her head. Not yet. It was something she could learn about when she was older. “Can we not? Not today.”

“That bad then, eh? Okay. Later though?”

Jamie’s smile was that heartbreakingly sad one. “If you insist. Now, why don’t you rescue our girl from maths and I’ll get this set up?” He paused. “You certain you want to watch news coverage of whatever goes down?”

Clint shrugged, sad when Jamie’s arm and the comfort it provided was gone. “Better to know what they’re saying than being totally in the dark until Nat can call.”

“Hey. They’ll win. HYDRA doesn’t stand a chance. Steve never gives up and Natalia is there. She’ll not let it stand that they dirtied your name and reputation. Remember that, please?”

Clint tried to smile, he wasn’t sure how convincing it was. “I’m not there to have her six. That never, ever sits well with me. I’m selective about my people. I don’t want to lose any of them.”

Jamie hugged him and Clint took the comfort offered. Damn it. He knew it had been the best choice to stay here. Didn’t mean he had to like it though. He felt torn. So he just sighed, and rested his head on Jamie’s shoulder. Nat would be fine. Nat would come out of it with far less injuries than he would have. Jamie was right. He just had to remember that. 

—**—

James wasn’t convinced that this was the best course of action. They had done well enough without a television. But, Clint had been twitchy and anxious since Natalia had informed them of the plans. If this helped even a little, he was going to try it. Clint had taken Tasha up to practice outside, deemed safe now that Natalia had changed the security. As much as he wanted to retrieve one of Natalia’s guns and walk the safe zone, he knew that was a step too far. At least, right now. 

Technology had always fascinated him. But, he’d been a poor kid from Brooklyn so there had been no way, except the Army, for him to get access to any of it. That much he did remember. Sort of. It was all still disjointed. There was nothing he could do about it. Concentrating too hard usually gave him a headache and anxiety attack. James couldn’t afford either of those today. Not when this could go very wrong, the plan Natalia had not quite detailed for them. Steve always went for bold and reckless. Always. Part of him hated being here and not having Steve’s back and he knew Clint was the same with Natalia. But, and he could only admit this to himself, staying here and protecting Clint and Tasha had somehow become more important. Okay, assisting Clint in protecting Tasha. Clint was in no way like pre-serum Steve. That didn’t mean James wasn’t going to take out any and all threats to the blond. 

Smiling wryly, he began sitting up the very large television. Making a mental note to not ruin all of Clint’s fun and allow him to kill things too, James laughed at the next instruction: Stop calling yourself horrible things, Clint! Take a moment. Get coffee. Come back. 

He set it up quickly, sitting on the couch with a remote control in hand. The instructions from Natalia had been light-hearted and hilarious. She definitely knew Clint inside and out. It was dumb to be jealous of that. He should be fucking grateful that Clint had such a loyal and vicious friend in Natalia. Damn it, why couldn’t he just be grateful? Why was he so fucked in the head?

Groaning, James pushed those thoughts away and focused on figuring out how this technology worked. If he could focus on that, maybe he could find a way to stop being so ridiculous in other things. 

—**—

Clint and Tasha stopped training to go in and get something to drink. Clint nearly fell over when he stepped into the room and spotted Jamie, staring wide eyed at the tv. Oops? The poor man just kept clicking the button. 

Clint tried to keep a straight face, stepping between Jamie and the tv.  _ You okay? _

_ I have been changing the channel for almost an hour and there are still more. _

Clint grinned.  _ Did you think Nat would do things halfway?  _

Jamie was still stunned, clearly.  _ What the fuck do you need all these channels for? _

_ Entertainment?  _ Clint couldn’t stop himself, he burst out laughing.  _ Sorry. I should not be laughing. But, I didn’t think about warning you. My bad? _

Tasha, grinning, plopped down next to Jamie, glass of water in hand. She snatched the remote and settled in. She was just as wide-eyed as Jamie, but clearly somewhere along the line she’d had access to or at least knew how to work the remote. 

_ You two are adorable.  _ Clint snickered at their disgruntled looks.  _ Not taking it back, it’s true.  _

Tasha eyed them and then switched to one of the national news channels. Clint would have, probably should have, stopped her, if not for what was on the screen. He froze. The Triskelion was utterly destroyed. He blinked, not sure what to do, say, or even think. Instinct took over and he turned, darting towards the bay. 

Jamie caught him, strong arms holding Clint to Jamie’s chest. Still running on instinct, Clint pushed and kicked and in general did everything he could to get loose. “Let me go! I need to go. I need to find her!”

Jamie just held on, managing to keep hold of him and not get too beat up in the process. Clint knew, in some part of his mind, that fighting Jamie was the last thing he wanted to do. But Nat was out there and she hadn’t called or texted or anything. She would have if she could have. Panic overwhelmed him. He planted both hands on Jamie’s chest and pushed with every bit of his strength. Somehow, he loosened Jamie’s hold enough to slither out of his arms and set off again. 

Jamie caught him near the steps to the bay and they tumbled to the ground, Jamie taking the brunt of it. That jolted Clint out of his panic enough to stop him for a few seconds. 

“Clint!”

He froze, blinking at the desperation in Jamie’s voice. Damn. Reason returned and Clint winced. “I am so sorry.”

“Don’t. No need.” Jamie was holding him tight again. Clint sighed, feeling horrible and the panic was still there just not ruling right now. Jamie shifted them and stood, not once loosening his hold. Clint leaned back against Jamie’s chest and tried to settle himself. 

Tasha joined them, looking pale and shocked.  _ Dad? Okay now? _

Clint nodded and mouthed ‘sorry’. It was all he could manage. And Jamie still had his arms pinned. He was too damn mad at himself for worrying her.

She shook her head, glaring at him.  _ You were worried. No sorries unless it is really bad, remember? _

Jamie loosened his hold and Clint was able to move his hands.  _ I panicked.  _

_ Just a little. Was that your work?  _

_ Yes.  _

_ Did Auntie Nat do that? _

Jamie snickered. 

Clint nodded.  _ With Captain America, Fury, and the new guy.  _

_ Mostly Auntie Nat. _

She wasn’t wrong.  _ Probably. Had to keep the Nazis from using it.  _

Tasha hugged him, well both of them as much as she could manage. Clint hugged her back and looked at the tv again. According to the updates scrolling at the bottom of the screen and subtitles, the helicarriers had crashed into the river over four hours ago. He felt the panic rising again. Four hours?! He had to go, check the places Nat would hole up in if she was hurt or needed help. He had to!

Tasha stepped back, reaching into the pocket of her hoodie. She grinned after looking at the screen. The phone was turned so he and Jamie could see it.  _ Tell your dad to stop panicking. I will be there soon.  _

Jamie let loose of him and Clint dug out his phone. His hands were not shaking or so he tried to convince himself. He was grateful he’d not turned his aids off earlier when the phone rang, just as he was about to call. “Four fucking hours!”

Jamie grabbed him again, this time around the waist. Clint nearly laughed. He would laugh about it later, after he knew Nat was safe. “Before you ask, yes I was almost sat on. Now, explain.”

“Put me on speaker.”

Clint obliged, handing the phone to Jamie so he could sign for Tasha. “Go on.”

“Almost? Really, James?”

“I did have to tackle him, Natalia. Twice.”

“Acceptable, I suppose. Just left, and yes I am fucking serious, the Oval Office. Got hauled there directly after. I couldn’t even text, before anyone gets in a snit.”

Tasha giggled, because Clint had added:  _ She means me. _

“Fury passed on control of S.H.I.E.L.D. to Coulson, but officially it is done. There will be a Congressional hearing, which I saved you from. I also hand carried enough of what I sent you to the President. It will get both of you cleared. James, it may take a while, but Clint is pretty much good to go now. Not even Cap knows that. He’s at Walter Reed, but really that is more for show at this point.”

Clint felt Jamie tense up and didn’t know what to do for him. The only thing he could think to do was stay right where he was and hope it helped. Jamie’s voice was rough, as if he was trying to sound unaffected. “He’s good though, right?”

“Right as rain. Still America’s Hero. He’ll be healed up in hours. He took a swim.”

“Of fucking course he did.”

“I can explain more when I land. I apologize for calling like this, James. I know Clint said you all have been signing exclusively.”

“You let us know you were safe, Natalia. No sorries unless it’s really important. That’s the rule.”

Clint felt the last of the panic slip away when Nat laughed at that. “How long?”

“I borrowed a quinjet, so a bit after lunch, maybe 2 pm at the latest, your time. May need patched up.”

The panic was back. She healed like Cap and Jamie, damn it. What the fuck had happened? “Nat!”

He could almost feel her rolling her eyes. “You can check me over when I get there. Jeez, you’d think I was the kid here.”

Tasha snickered.  _ Tell Auntie Nat I am glad she is okay? _

_ Of course.  _ “Tasha is glad her Auntie Nat is okay. I, on the other hand, will need details later.”

“Same.”

Nat cussed, quite creatively in fact. “I am not a fragile fucking flower.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “I knew I should never have showed you that show or the meme.”

“Tell my niece that Auntie Nat has plans to show her a tv show about a female badass warrior, please.”

_ Auntie Nat wants to watch Xena with you. Old tv show about a lady warrior, who is almost as scary as Auntie Nat is. After she has time to heal and rest.  _

_ Did she say that last bit?  _ Tasha gave him one of those knowing looks. 

He blushed.  _ No, but I will insist on it. There will probably be pouts.  _

“Fucks sake,” Jamie muttered. “Natalia, because I know better than to not give warning … you are to be resting and healing up first. There will be pouts otherwise.”

She laughed. “Good man. I know how Clint works. Let loose of him so he can panic. He won’t try to leave this time. Right, Clint?”

He may have muttered lots of the words they didn’t particularly want Tasha repeating just yet, before sighing. “Finnneeee. You promise you are okay?”

“I’ve had worse. Hanging up now. I will be there soon.”

“She must have left directly from the White House,” Jamie pointed out warily. “You aren’t upset with me, right?”

Clint managed a light laugh. “Nah. But, she will appreciate that you thought to warn her.”

_ What does Auntie Nat like to eat? _

Clint thought it over. Nat was never picky about food. It had taken him far longer than it should have to get her to admit likes and dislikes. He knew it had something to do with her so-called training.  _ She really likes goulash. There should be a recipe and the ingredients here.  _

Tasha darted off to the kitchen, searching for the recipe book. Clint knew she wanted to keep busy and give Nat a treat too. He would help her in a minute, having been taught how to cut vegetables and not his fingers by Nat. No one except him, to his knowledge, even knew she liked to cook. 

He turned, feeling dumb for missing Jamie’s hands on him. His panic had subsided far quicker than usual because Jamie had held him, comforted him. Clint wasn’t going to knock it. He wasn’t that … dumb. It would take practice to stop using the words Jamie didn’t like, but Nat’s grumbling about calling himself an idiot and moron made so much sense after their chat earlier. Double checking, with a quick glance over his shoulder, that Tasha was occupied, he watched Jamie closely as he asked, “Are you really okay with having Nat here?”

Jamie smiled, though it was shaky. He did that ‘so so/maybe’ hand motion. “I know she remembers me somewhat fondly, from what you have said and what she said during that phone call. It isn’t Natalia I worry about.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “Damn, keep meaning to cut this-”

“No!” Clint winced. Damn it, he was doing it again. It was Jamie’s choice, not his. Fuck. “Sorry, but no. They will look for you with shorter hair. It’s the easiest way to change your appearance.”

Jamie sort of half smiled. “You brought hair dye and I could say the same about that.”

Clint pouted. He wasn’t about to say aloud or even sign that he liked, really liked Jamie with longer hair. “That is temporary and actually works. If anything, you should let it grow.”

Jamie was outright smirking. Clint was going to ignore that and stay focused. “If it isn’t Nat, then what is bothering you?”

Jamie sighed, shrugging and looking lost. “Paranoia? Natalia would never willingly do anything to harm you, in any way. It is everyone else I worry about. What if they manage to track her?”

Clint was hugging Jamie before he even thought about it. “She is better than that. Want to help Tasha? We could all use the distraction, yeah?”

Jamie’s arms tightened before he let Clint go, sighing. “Yes and yes. Can we turn off the news now? At least until Natalia is here so we can get the truth?”

Clint smiled, already moving to pick up the remote from where Tasha had left it. “Yeah. We can do that.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat arrives and James remembers things.

James hated when partial memories popped up randomly. Well, not hated, but that was the closest he could come to explaining it even to himself. He remembered Natalia. Not completely, but enough. That smug smile she’d aimed at him when they were fighting, when he was already struggling with wisps of memories, that day on the street had been what broke open the rest and allowed him to reject the recalibration. Not that Steve hadn’t helped, because he had. But, the combination of her being there and fighting him with things he’d taught her and the knock to his head had been the true cause. He thought Clint might understand, if he could figure out how to explain it.

Little things could trigger memories, he was finding. But, it was rare to get full memories. The conversation he and Clint had earlier had been one he had been piecing together for days now. It was similar to what had happened when they had been discussing how to help Tasha and keep her safe. Something about Tasha broke the block on his memories of his sister. That was how she’d gotten Rebecca’s name as her new middle name. He hadn’t known how to explain it, still didn’t. It was hit or miss, really. He couldn’t push it either. That led to headaches and panic attacks which led to upsetting Clint and Tasha. So, James was trying to be patient. 

Dutifully, he chopped the vegetables Tasha instructed him to and sort of watched the television. Clint had changed the channel to some cooking show about a British Bake-Off, grinning as he did so. James wasn’t about to judge. A show about baking was far better than the news or some of the other insane things he’d seen in his perusal of the channels. He wasn’t about to ask about reality tv, thank you very much. James knew he was probably better off not knowing. 

Tasha set down the spoon, frowning.  _ No one will follow Auntie Nat, right? _

_ She would make sure no one did, _ Clint assured her. 

James hated the doubt he felt. Natalia was damn good and would never put them at risk, but that didn’t mean others wouldn’t have an agenda. He finished his assigned chore and set everything aside. He washed his hands and struggled to balance his concern with the right words to keep them from worrying. He turned and hoped he was making the right choice.  _ Would you feel better if I called her and checked? _

_ Yes!  _ Tasha was wide eyed and biting her lip. 

Clint smiled brightly, though James didn’t miss his concern either.  _ That would be great. _

_ I’ll go call from the control room. Okay? _

Tasha looked suspicious, but finally nodded. Damn, knowing she trusted him went a long way in lifting another of those phantom weights weighing him down.  _ I won’t be long. _

_ We can finish this.  _

He wanted to hug Clint or reassure him in some way, but that would make Tasha even more suspicious, so James just nodded and left them to do the cooking. It only took him seconds to connect the call once he was in the control room, with the door closed and locked, just in case. 

“James?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “How did you know?”

“Clint would have called on his phone and Tasha would have texted or video called. Duh.”

He snickered. “We’re worried that someone tagged you. Before you get testy, you have to admit it is a valid concern.”

She sighed heavily. “I checked, three times, James. I wouldn’t risk any of you.”

He sat back, running a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know that. Doesn’t mean the paranoia just goes away. Did you check all of your clothing and weapons?”   
  


“Fucks sake, James! That was the first thing I checked. You should know that, you trained me better.”

She had a point. A good one. Those lessons hadn’t been exactly approved ones either. In fact, he really hoped that Natalia hadn’t figured out that it was those late night … activities … that had been the real reason their handlers had recalibrated him in front of her. A lesson to them both. Not that he regretted it. He hadn’t then and didn’t now. “I know I did. What else did you check?”

“The quinjet. I uploaded a new program that wiped the old system completely. I managed to sneak into Avengers Tower and get some tech from Stark the same day I visited our Irish friend. The man was bored and more than a tad annoyed, Stark not the Irish one. He was also more than a bit gleeful to create it for me. Apparently, attempting to hack it will blow up spectacularly in their faces. With Stark I never know if he’s being literally or dramatic.”

James wasn’t sure how he felt about relying on anyone else’s tech, but it wasn’t like they had a lot of options currently. He also didn’t give a fuck if Stark had been literal or not. Should anyone attempt to track Natalia, it put the most important people to him at risk. He didn’t care what happened to them for it either. “You trust Stark?”

“Not particularly. But, for this I do. They hijacked his tech and for Stark that is the biggest insult. He’s taken it as a personal vendetta of sorts, taking down what is left of HYDRA. If I told him I needed the tech to make sure I flew under HYDRA radar …”

James laughed. “It wasn’t totally a lie, to be fair. The third thing you checked?”

“The tech where you are. I’ve been running remote scans every few hours and they’ve been clear, but I wasn’t about to risk breaching the security if someone was watching. They aren’t. All eyes are deflected away, in a way that just reads nothing but woods and nature.”

“How injured were you? Don’t even think about half truths, Natalia.”

She was quiet for a long time. Finally, his patience paid off. She sighed heavily. “I’ll be barely bruised by the time I get there.”

“Natalia.” James had no qualms about utilizing the same tone he remembered from the past, when he’d been training her. It was a tone she had never been able to ignore. It wasn’t something he did lightly either. If she was talking of bruising nearly half a day after the wounds, it hadn’t been something simple or even a bullet wound. 

“Electrical burns take longer to heal.”

“What the fuck!? You need to start explaining.”

“I will when I get there, I swear. I don’t want to have to tell it twice.”

He’d gotten what he needed, so James relented. He felt better knowing what sort of wounds they would need to deal with. At least, the aftermath of. She wasn’t bleeding out, which he had worried over like a fool. He knew better. “I won’t make you. You will need to rest, enhanced or not.” He sighed, reminding himself that she could be trusted. “Please, Natalia, don’t argue with Clint on that. You said before that I didn’t know everything about him. I know that. I am learning though. Don’t worry Clint any more than he already is. Please.”

Natalia was quiet, which he didn’t know if he should find concerning or comforting. “I do my best to never worry Clint. You know that the Red Room taught me many things. I’m the best of their graduates, James. I learn quickly. What you taught me and what Clint has taught me were the things I chose to follow. What I chose to hold on to and override the things I didn’t want to be anymore. They became my Rules, James. You get what I am saying?”

He was stunned. He did get it. At least he thought he did. He couldn’t totally process it all now. “I think I do. You’re just as protective of your people as Clint is, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Her tone was almost wistful. “I’m still not sure I deserve happiness, but I know that you do. Clint does. Tasha definitely does. If it means I give up everything to make that happen, I will, James. I very much will.”

He wasn’t going to let that stand and Clint wouldn’t either. James knew enough to know that Clint would not be onboard with those sorts of plans. They would have to stop that train of thought. He wasn’t sure how, just that he had faith in Clint knowing the best way to go about it. That meant not pushing her now. “We can talk when you get here. Okay?”

“Yeah. I’m not far out now. Maybe 45 minutes.”

“They’re cooking goulash for you,” he offered, hoping to distract her. “I helped. Tasha is a better cook than Clint or I could ever hope to be.”

“You should get back to it. Someone has to watch him or he gets distracted. If you keep him focused, he doesn’t start thinking bad things about himself. I-”

“I get it,” he murmured. “It just makes him more … endearing.”

“Glad you see that. Being the only one that understood him -” she sighed. “Nevermind. I’ll be there soon. Go make sure they’re okay?”

He managed a light chuckle. “I will, until you are here to help me with that.” He sighed. “Natalia?”

“Yes?”

“Does everyone underestimate Clint?”

“Fury, Coulson, and Hill don’t. Everyone else, yeah.”

He felt that same overwhelming urge to go and hunt down everyone for that insult. Damn it. “I won’t let that stand.”

“We’ll talk when I get there. Now go, let them know I’m fine.”

“You both need dictionaries,” he muttered.

She laughed, ending the call. 

James pushed the chair back and slowly got to his feet. So much had been said, but yet unsaid. He would need time to think it all over. But, it was more important to reassure Clint and Tasha right now. Natalia had never, to his knowledge, been able to lie to him. He couldn’t imagine her starting the habit now, not when Clint was so important to her. 

He realized, as he got to the kitchen area, that the jealousy he’d been feeling towards Natalia had all but disappeared now. It definitely gave him something to think about. 

\--**--

Clint managed to distract Tasha with some allegedly educational animal show rather than useless tv. He was rather proud of that. He was trying to be a decent parental sort of person. Considering his decision making ability was questionable on the best of days and he usually survived on coffee and pizza, well he wasn’t certain he was the best to be helping to raise another human being. Clint was very, very grateful he had help and that Tasha was mostly grown already.

He’d offered to clean up the kitchen mostly because it would give him something to do. Jamie had been gone longer than he thought necessary. He looked up from loading the dishwasher to see Jamie looking more relaxed. Good. He knew Jamie was getting better about talking, but that didn’t mean he would push it.  _ All okay? _

Jamie smiled. “I’m good, so is Natalia. She’s less than an hour out. I trust you and I trust Natalia. I’m getting better at the signing while talking too.”

“Yeah, you are. Better than me before coffee.”

“You can barely walk before coffee,” James teased.

That reminded Clint of something. “Did you really stay up last night fixing the steps to my room instead of sleeping?”

Jamie blushed bright red. “I couldn’t sleep and those footholds were not steps no matter how many times you tried to say they were.” He grinned, the wicked sort. “Next time I can’t sleep, it’ll be a railing.”

“It was once!” Clint felt his face heating. “Once. Jeez.”

Jamie snickered. “Just accept that I don’t give a fuck if you are clutzy before your first dose of life giving elixer. Doesn’t mean I won’t do what I can to assist in there not being injuries.”

“I’m a ful -” Clint bit back the snark. Jamie wasn’t making fun of him, not like others did. That was one of the reasons he rarely spent time in the apartment Stark had made for him in Avengers Tower. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a sense of humor, it was that there were certain things that he did not find funny. “Sorry. Was about to take others' bullshit out on you. Stopped myself this time.”

Jamie’s eyes narrowed. “Who?”

Aww, no, feelings. Shit. Yeah, he was totally sunk. It probably wasn’t the most mentally sound thing; knowing that Jamie was ready to go to war against people that upset him and adoring the man even more for it. Clint didn’t give a damn though. It felt too damn good knowing it for him to worry over anything else. “Not important. Really, Jamie.”

Jamie’s eyes narrowed further. “I’ll just ask Natalia. She’ll tell me.”

“How about no?” Clint didn’t know whether to laugh or panic. It was difficult enough keeping Nat from retaliating, he wasn’t sure he could stop both of them. “I really do love that you want to. Honest. I just can’t go around having everyone beat up that hurts my feelings. I’m tough, I can take it.”

Jamie leant on the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fuck yes you are. Was that even in question? I’m frankly surprised that Natalia left them breathing without medical devices if that is what they thought. Might need to have a chat with her about that.”

“No, no. Just no.” Clint snickered. “I am feeling all sorts of deja vu right now. Nat and I have had this conversation many times over the years. Believe me, I learnt how to take insults from a very young age. Most of them I ignore. It’s fine. Really. We’re also going to have to let Tasha learn how to deal too. We can’t go beating up teenagers because they’re assholes. Everyone can be an asshole at that age.”

As expected, Jamie’s gaze focused on Tasha. “Normal kid bullshit, sure. Anything having to do with her hearing or having us as parents … all bets are off.”

“Oh well, of fucking course. Now, what did Nat have to say? You were gone a long time.”

“Just that she ran three checks before heading this way. Apparently, Stark took great personal offense to HYDRA hijacking his tech? He wasn’t part of my mission, so I don’t know much about him.”

“Narcissistic genius and rich as fuck, with somewhat good intentions. For now. He designed, or upgraded actually, a lot of the S.H.I.E.L.D. tech after the battle in New York. His father was the one that helped with the serum they used on Steve.”

Jamie paled and all but collapsed against the wall. Clint was across the room and fully prepared to catch him should he finish falling over. “Jamie?”

“He can never know.”

Concerned, Clint slid under Jamie’s arm and supported him as they made their way to the stools at the kitchen counter. Once Jamie was settled, Clint stayed where he was. “You remember something bad, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I killed his parents, I think. Howard? Right?”

Clint winced. Fucking HYDRA, KGB, or whomever had been behind that particular set of orders. “Yes. We can keep it from him, if that's what you want. Do you know why?”

Jamie was shaking, but nodded. “Serum, he made more. Similar to what they used on Steve. They used it to make more like me.”

“Oh shit.” It wasn’t eloquent or anything, but it was all Clint could think to say. “I’m guessing they weren’t good people before, like you were.”

“They weren’t. Don’t ask me more, please. That is all I remember right now.”

Clint hugged him as tightly as he dared. “I won’t. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t Jamie. It was them.”

Jamie didn’t respond, but his arms snaked around Clint’s torso and held on like a drowning man holding a life preserver. Clint was happy to hold Jamie, to give whatever help he could. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed that way. He didn’t care, not when it was so wonderful to be held. 

The lights flashed purple and then red. Nat was landing. Good. “Nat’s here.”

Jamie sighed, his arms falling away. “Go, check on her. I’ll distract Tasha as long as I can.”

Clint frowned as he stepped back, utterly confused. “Why?”

“You need to check her over and make sure all is well. Don’t tell me you don’t.”

“You okay? I don’t want to go if you aren’t.”

Jamie’s heartbreakingly sad smile was back. “As okay as I can be. Go or she’ll worry about why you aren’t there.”

Jamie wasn’t wrong. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Clint nearly kissed him. He yanked himself back under control and ran for the bay. He slid to a stop as she landed in the bay, the bay doors closing immediately after. He barely kept himself from rushing forward and boarding the quinjet. Nat stepped out a minute later, looking worn down and just plain tired. 

He was hugging her the moment her feet were on the ground, gently because he didn’t know where or how badly she was hurt. “Where and how bad?”

She laid her head on his chest and sighed, relaxing against him. “I checked half an hour ago, it’s all healed. Just a bit of bruising, I swear.”

Yeah, like he wasn‘t going to check. Clint picked her up, bridal style and carried her out of the bay. “Where and how bad, Nat?”

“I may have been electrocuted. It’s better now.”

His arms tightened slightly. “This is why I watch your six. Who the fuck dared electrocute you?”

“Later,” she murmured, her face almost buried in his neck. “I haven’t slept well since they declared us fugitives.”

His brows shot up. Usually it took more prodding to get her to explain this much. “How close was I to losing you?”

“Close.” She sighed, shifting slightly, tense again. “No killing Fury or Hill or Coulson for it either. It was my fucking plan.”

“Damn it, Natasha! We’ve discussed this!”

Jamie was on his feet and joining them the moment Clint stepped into the main room. “What the fuck?”

“She was electrocuted. Nearly killed.” Clint looked murderous, he just knew he did. He was okay with that. 

Tasha stayed on the couch, wide eyed and worried.  _ Take care of Auntie Nat. Can I help at all? _

Jamie, bless the man, nodded.  _ Make sure her bed is made and those clothes we collected up are ready too, please?  _ Tasha was down the hall moments later.

“I don’t need coddling.”

Clint and James both gave her unimpressed glares. “Sure, Nat. Did you believe me after that mission we should probably not ever mention again?”

  
She grumbled, but settled back against his chest again. He was pushing down the panic the best he could. “I didn’t have broken bones, Clinton Francis.”

Ouch. Full name. “I only had broken bones because-”

Jamie cut him off. “Both of you, please don’t. We discussed this, the whole me not needing to know these details.”

Clint almost laughed. “Oops. My bad. We’ll stop. My point stands though.”

He carried her through to the bathroom, setting her on the edge of the pool tub thing she’d insisted on having. “Where?”

“I can go, if you would be more comfortable.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not like you’ve not seen it before, James.”

Clint’s brows rose. Good to know. “Details about that later. Right now, where? Stop stalling.”

Nat tried to move normally, but Clint didn’t miss the pain she tried to hide when she started taking her top off. His hands gently pulled hers away. “Don’t front with me.”

She sighed, but didn’t protest him carefully removing her shirt. He bit back a curse at the bright bruising across her chest and down her ribs. “I had to get into the council room. Nanotech hid my identity. Had to get close to Pierce. It worked, that is what is important.”

“Definitely need a dictionary,” Jamie grumbled. 

“You need a bath with those salt things you like. Don’t even protest, Nat. You know it will help.”

She laid a hand on his cheek. “Never, ever change, Clint. I’ll not protest. I’ll even let you tuck me up on the couch and not let me lift a finger the rest of the day.”

“Which ones?” Jamie walked over to the shelves that Clint had carved out of the far wall. It was where the bath salts, soaps, and such were stored. Nat didn’t skimp when it came to comforts she had never had growing up. She even color coded the custom sets for different things. The purple ones were for when she was out of sorts and needed comfort, he knew that much. 

  
Clint smiled at Jamie’s confusion. “The purple bottles. It all goes together.” He turned back to Nat. “No fronting, are you good if we leave you to have your bath in peace?”

She kissed his cheek. “Yeah. If I need help, I’ll yell. Okay?”

“I’ll hear,” Jamie assured her, setting towels and the bath stuff on the side of the pool. “You want us to run the water or do you have it?”

“I have it. Thank you both.”

Clint rolled his eyes and ignored a thank you he didn’t need and allowed Jamie to get him moving. Nat was here and safe. That was all that mattered.

\--**--


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat asserts herself. Because ofc she does.

James knew he was going to practically have to sit on Clint. He was fine with that. He led the blond towards Natalia’s room and wasn’t surprised to run into Tasha in the hallway. She was carrying the stack of clothes for Natalia. He turned back, calling out, “Tasha is bringing in your clothes, if you are okay with that?”

“Yes,” Natalia replied.

_ It’s fine, you can take them to her.  _

Tasha grinned. Once she was past them, Clint sighed heavily. “I have never seen her so worn out before. I don’t like it.”

“Why not get her blankets and pillows, set her up a nest of sorts on the couch?” It wasn’t all he wanted to say, but he wasn’t certain that Clint wouldn’t brain him with the nearest heavy object if he said all he was thinking. His mind was going a million miles an hour, thinking and wishing and hoping and it was all a jumble.

“If you help.” 

“All right.”

“So,” Clint said, his tone teasing and curious at the same time. “While we do that … nothing you haven’t seen before, eh?”

James side eyed Clint, fully prepared to duck and or run. “You going to shoot me for that?”

Clint all but shoved him into Natalia’s room. “For what? Not being a blind idiot?”

James nearly choked. “I thought you two were just best friends?”

“Doesn’t mean I’m blind.” Clint stacked pillows in James’ arms. He was smiling. “We just never took that step. I dunno, it is one of those things we don’t discuss. It is what it is.”

James tipped his head, studying Clint’s expression closely. “You’ve thought about it?”

“I thought you said I shouldn’t say bad things about myself.” Clint stacked three blankets up, which he’d taken from a wooden chest James hadn’t noticed before. “I’ve failed at every romantic relationship I’ve ever attempted. Why risk it?”

James sighed. There was so much to discuss in those simple sentences, but he didn’t think now was exactly the right time. Not with both of them out of sorts just now. “This is a discussion for a different time. I will say this, you don’t fail your people, Clint. I know enough to say that with confidence. So, maybe think about that?”

Clint shrugged as he picked up the blankets. “Rather not. I hate studying my failures.”

“Stop.”

Clint looked confused. “Just being honest.”

“I am finding you a dictionary. After we settle Natalia in on the couch.”

Clint just rolled his eyes and carried the blankets out. Yeah, he and Natalia were going to have to have a talk. Soon.

\--**--

Clint knew he was being too overprotective, but for the first time in well ever, Nat wasn’t complaining as he tucked the blankets around her. Tasha had brought over the teapot and one of the pretty teacups Nat quietly collected. “You hungry? The goulash isn’t quite done, but we have plenty of other things you like. Those biscuit things you have with your tea?”

She smiled, though she didn’t bother hiding how tired she was. “The tea is fine for now. I’ll probably fall asleep anyway.”

Tasha was watching, from her spot curled up in her own pile of blankets and pillows next to the little nest they’d made for Nat.  _ We should watch that show, Auntie Nat. If you fall asleep, you have already seen it and won’t miss things. Or the baking one. _

_ You pick, sweetie.  _

_ If you promise to rest. _

Clint nearly laughed at Nat’s quick nod of agreement.  _ I’ll leave you to it. Yell if you need anything, Nat.  _

She patted his cheek and shooed him off. “Girl time, Clint. If you don’t hover, I’ll even let you check later so you can see the bruises are gone.”

That was the best he would get and he knew it. So, he joined Jamie and helped him carry in a few more boxes that held future projects and that had been stored in the storage room. Clint grinned when he realized that one of them was a metal railing that Nat must have purchased without him knowing. “Really?” 

Jamie just grinned, his voice a low almost whisper just like Clint’s had been. “I just found it. Blame Natalia.”

Nat’s voice was almost muffled, as if she’d sunk down into her pillows and blankets. “Don’t get grumpy. I like making sure my people are safe.”

“I won’t. Rest.”

He could practically feel her eyes rolling. “I am. Shoo, both of you.”

Jamie pointed to the stairs leading to the bay.  _ We should go find something to do or else she’ll get grumpy at both of us.  _

_ Really good point.  _ Clint couldn’t stop himself from grabbing the packet of tea biscuits Nat liked and setting them on her pile of blankets before retreating to the storage room. 

“Tasha will watch over her. She can’t complain about that right?”

Clint snickered, though he was still low level panicking and angry. “She won’t, because it would hurt Tasha’s feelings. I’m not happy about any of it. Not one bit.”

Jamie sighed, looking up from where he was looking through the shelves of stuff. “She said it was her plan.”

Clint caught himself before he threw the box he was holding at the wall. Barely. “Doesn’t mean they should have gone along with it! I also don’t like the sound of Congressional Hearings.”

“Hey,” Jamie said softly, taking the box from him. “We won’t let anything happen to Natalia. Trust me?”

“Of course I do.” Clint didn’t like that it was even a question. “Did I make you doubt that?”

“No. I needed reassurance before I asked something.” 

“Ask away.”

“Some of those boxes are marked ‘for Waverly’. What or where is that?”

“Damn it, Nat. Why? Fuck.” He rubbed his hands over his face. This was not something he wanted to discuss. He wouldn’t lie to Jamie though. He started pacing, not even really thinking about it. “Where I grew up. Fucking Iowa. There is a house and some land that I inherited a while back. Nat teasingly calls it the family farm. It was, once. My old man was a butcher in town. He was too fucking lazy to be a farmer. Might have made my childhood better if he had been. The drunken bastard might have fallen off some machinery and only killed himself that way.”

Jamie stepped in front of him, stopping Clint in his tracks. “I’m sorry I asked. I should have just left it alone.”

“No sorries unless it is really important,” Clint quipped half heartedly. “It’s a sore spot. You couldn’t have known. My worthless brother died and I got a packet in the mail with the deed. Nat has been trying to get me to deal with it for about four years now.”

Jamie hugged him and Clint just clung to him. Damn it, he’d seen the fucking boxes before and ignored them. Totally put them out of his mind and managed to forget them. He really didn’t need to deal with this now. Not today when he was already feeling raw with Nat injured and SHIELD officially done. Too much of his carefully constructed and (at least for him) stable life had gone up in flames. 

“We can ignore them. I won‘t ask again if it helps any.”

Clint’s laugh was as brittle as his nerves. “I told you I don’t like discussing my failures and this just proves how that bites me in the ass. I should know better by now. This sort of shit is why I shouldn’t keep trying.”

He wasn’t sure why he admitted that last bit. Probably too much piled on at once. Damn it. Jamie’s arms tightened. 

“What do you mean by that?”

Clint felt as tired as Nat probably was right now. “Every damn time I manage to make things go right, something happens to make it wrong again.”

“How is it all wrong now?”

“SHIELD is gone, Nat nearly died … she’s going to have to testify in front of a Congressional Panel. That could go so wrong. Damn it.”

“Oh shit.”

Clint whirled at the sound of Nat’s voice. “You are supposed to be resting!”

“I remembered the boxes,” Nat explained, leaning on the wall with a sigh. “You weren’t supposed to see them yet. I was trying to stop you before you found them.”

He sighed, not wanting to step out of Jamie’s arms but also wanting to help her. “You have been planning again, haven’t you?”

“You angry at me?”

That got him moving. Clint ignored her muttered threats and picked her up. “No, damn it. Super soldier or not, you promised to rest. Don’t make me sit on you.”

“It would be both of us.” Jamie still looked upset as he joined them. “You promised, Natalia.”

“Clint didn’t need that today. Not that you need to go feeling guilty, James. That would just make me grumpy.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “How long were you listening in?”   
  


She snickered, though he could hear her weariness. “Not too long. Now, can we not discuss anything that would upset any of us for the rest of the day? Please?”

Maybe he was just putting things he needed to work through off again, but Clint had issues telling her no about pretty much anything. “Sure. Works for me. Jamie?”

“For the rest of the day.”

He had a feeling that what Jamie wasn’t saying was that tomorrow they would be discussing things he’d rather ignore a bit longer. Clint was just grateful he was being given a reprieve. Nat snuggled close, laying her head on his shoulder and he felt the panic sliding away again. There were so many things in his head that were all jumbled, so many of them things that he just ignored usually. He was going to focus on making sure Nat actually rested and not on things that would just give him a massive headache. 

Tasha was curled up, mostly asleep, on the couch. Clint smiled. “I hope this means she is actually recovering.”

“You two have done an excellent job,” Nat said sleepily. “She’s an awesome kid.”

“Can’t take the credit.” Jamie was blushing. “She was that way when we got her.”

Clint snickered, carefully setting Nat back in her little nest. “Stay this time?”

“I’ll bring you a bowl of goulash.” Jamie added with a wry smile. “More of your tea too, if you want it.”

Nat smiled, though she looked a bit smug. “I could get used to this treatment. Careful, gentlemen, or I’ll be demanding this every day.”

“I think we’ve been issued a challenge, Jamie.”

“Sounds like it.”

Nat snickered. “Well then, get to it.”

“On it.” He winked at her, grabbed the teapot, and went directly to the kettle. 

Jamie got out a bowl and a tray that Clint hadn’t even known they’d had until now.  _ Did she think we would object? _

Clint shrugged.  _ If so, it will be fun proving her wrong. Yeah? _

_ Definitely.  _

Clint didn’t know exactly what he was feeling or what was going on in his head. Whatever it was, he liked it. The only people he gave a fuck about were here, safe and healing in so many ways. Himself included, or so it seemed that was the plan. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face all the shit he hadn’t, but it seemed like the time had come. He couldn’t ignore it any longer. At least he had his people here to help. 

\--**--

James set the tray in Natalia’s lap. “Need anything else?”

“I’m getting the full royal treatment, James. What else could I possibly need?”

His brows rose. “I meant things that could be discussed today, but if you really want that list…”

She sighed, pushing the sleeves of the purple hoodie up her arms. “No no. Not today. Sit, don't hover, James.”

He knew he was blushing, but damn it, what else was he supposed to do?! He sat, not sure what she was up to. That didn’t mean he wasn’t curious enough to find out though.

“This,” she whispered, checking over the back of the couch before going on, “is when I usually grill the people who like him, you know. You, however, get a pass.”

“Grill? Like question them?” James kept his voice low too, blushing even brighter red than before. “I have no idea what you are talking about?”

“Yes. Am I blind?”

“Uhh no.”

She glared, daring him to lie. “You want Clint.”

James didn’t dare lie. He’d been pushing it playing dumb. “Pot and kettle situation, Natalia.”

She shrugged. “Points for noticing. Doesn’t change what I asked.”

James sat back, utterly perplexed. He’d already figured out that Clint and Natalia were basically together without actually being together. It had given him pause, wondering if he should just back away and let them stumble along and not mess up what they had. He was too fucking selfish for that though. He glanced over, noting that Clint was just about done with the tea. “Why even ask if he’s yours already?”

“You were mine once too, James.”

He blinked. She was pulling zero punches today apparently. “And you were mine.”

“Think you could ever think of me that way again? I laid there, nearly dying and it brought so much into perspective. I’m done wishing and wondering. Just don’t lie to me.”

“Not sure I ever stopped,” he admitted, the words said before he’d even thought it through. It was one of those things all jumbled in his head, something he’d realized earlier during their phone call. “What makes you think he’d be okay with any of this?”

She rolled her eyes. “We’re his already. Where have you been not to see that?”

“Thinking I was a fool to hope for such things. I’m still a grenade with the pin pulled.”

She smacked him upside the head with one of the pillows. “Stop it, James!”

“What is going on?” Clint appeared, teapot in hand. “Why are we arguing?”

Natalia glared, one of her more potent ones that had James squirming. “James thinks he’s a danger to us. Grenade with the pin pulled, to be specific.”

Clint set the pot down and added his glare to Natalia’s. “We’ve discussed this, Jamie!”

He knew when he was outnumbered. James raised his hands in surrender. “I was just pointing out the obvious. Fucks sake. Stop glaring, please.”

“Stop saying that and we will.” Clint sighed, almost pouting now. “I thought the agreement was nothing upsetting today?”

“It was,” James murmured. “Why don’t we find a movie or something, since Tasha is napping.”

Natalia snickered. “No, she’s not. She’s been following along.”

Tasha sat up, blushing.  _ I didn’t mean to! Papa is not a danger to us. The Nazis with the bad words that hurt him are. Just saying.  _

Clint nodded, signing as he talked, “That is correct. You might have to keep reminding him of that. Right, Jamie?”

Totally outgunned, he nodded. Now he had all three of them glaring at him. He signed as he talked. “I’m sorry. This is really important so I can say that. I am trying, but sometimes I forget. I just worry, okay?”

“Face it,” Natalia, also signing as she talked, said wryly, “You’re ours now, James.”

“I'm good with that. So much,” he admitted, wondering if he could blush any worse. He knew what she wasn’t saying and he was willing to give it a go if she was and Clint was okay with it. Since they had banned discussions that would upset anyone today, he’d definitely be bringing up the need to track down that stupid book that held information about how to control him tomorrow. He couldn’t remember more than that, yet. He would, no matter how many headaches it caused pushing himself to think about it.

Clint grinned. “Good. Scoot over, I want to cuddle and relax if everyone else is.” 

James shared a grin with Natalia even as he moved to make room for Clint between them. No matter what Clint had said about things going wrong, to his way of thinking things were going very, very right. 

  
\--**--


End file.
